September 20 - Scandals and Violations

There are only two entries in today’s update. Not only would I like to continue giving a break from my shameless Annoyance advertisement, but I think the so-called “Life” journal is best if used very, very sparingly. Also, the entry for my sixth grade journal is filled with scandal! I know you can hardly believe it (believe that), but just you wait!

Sixth Grade Journal – September 20, 1994Sort of, I don’t really like my facial features, what’s why I never have a girlfriend, but I wish I had a girlfriend.

Explanation for this entry defies the normal limitations for a footnote. I don’t look back at this entry and feel sad, I feel violated. Sure, it’s kind of upsetting to know that I thought about these kinds of things when I was just a kid and felt they were important enough to write about, but there are bigger issues at play here. As you can plainly see, the journal guidelines given out at the beginning of the school year clearly stated that pages could be folded over if the writer did not want them to be read. This idea is only reinforced by the clearly labeled “Top Secret” and “Do Not Enter” signs for the page of today’s entry. But what did I find written at the bottom of the entry? Mrs Robertson had written “I'll bet you will soon,” offering support in an attempt to hide her blatant defiance of my wish for privacy. Not only did see breach my confidential thoughts, she left behind a little something to let me know she had done so. Diabolical.

Oh, and to make matters worse, she compounded the offense by writing “Topic?” at the top of the entry, as I had once again neglected to point it out. It is a sick game you played, Mrs Robertson, and this is a truly gross injustice.

BONUS ENTRY: Third Grade Journal – August 27, 1991
Today is August 27 Today school is better than ever¹. Today has been a great day for me. YYYYYHHHHHAAAAA²! Today I have a schrimage game³ go redskins GO REDSKINS⁴

¹ – See, this is why no one should feel bad for the sixth grade entry I posted above this one. Granted, I’m not sure why school was better than ever, but I’m sure that my record of school quality is accurate.
² – I’m not quite sure how you would actually say this.
³ – You will note that my participation in organized football does not continue past this singular entry. I was late to the first practice and forced to run laps around Central Park for the entire hour of the practice. I showed up to the second practice, with no football experience, and was pounded by bigger kids for the entirety of that practice without any instruction or help from the coach. I promptly quit, and consider it one of my better life decisions.
⁴ – This is scrawled in size 100 red crayon, and I would have included a picture of it if I didn’t feel as though I had already exceeded the image limit for one day.