Okay, first I want you to be calm. Now…I have to tell you, there are no concordant entries in any of my journals. See, I knew you’d be mad, but please don’t be. I’m still going give you some fun stuff, even if you are upset. The third grade entry today is one of my favorites out of any of these journals. Once this blog has worldwide popularity, which it clearly will someday, I’ll set up a poll so the adoring fans can vote on the best entry.
BONUS ENTRY1: Third Grade Journal –
Today is August 30 Today Jay Wonn got a really mean kid to chase Tonya, Kathy, Courtney, Today he was really weird today. but I helped Tonya, Cathy, Courtney2. When your eight and you’re3 a crimefighter It’s hard work4.
1 – Yes, I’m aware that it’s not really a bonus entry if everything is a bonus entry. I asked you not to be mad.
2 – Clearly I thought it would be helpful to re-list the names of all the girls. Maybe I wanted to reinforce my masculinity. Maybe I assumed you would be forgetful and not think to look back to the line above. Or maybe I wanted you to be sure that I helped them all. I don’t discriminate.
3 – I’m as confused as you are by the “your/you’re” issue here. I’m assuming that I was taking a moral stance.
4 – That classic eight-year-old humility and fortitude. I love it.
BONUS ENTRY: Sixth Grade Journal –
Today I am going to go to the Ashland Tomcat football game5 and Nate is going to spend the night6.
5 – I probably wasted more time going to Tomcat things than anything else other than sitting in front of a computer. I can’t recall a single play from any game, since my friends and I were always just running around doing random stuff. It was basically recess with adults and bleachers. So maybe not such a waste.
6 – Below this, I wrote “I hate Nate now” in parentheses. Clearly this was a later edition which I crammed in after the teacher had already read this section. Naturally, I have no idea why I hated Nate at any given point in my life.
BONUS ENTRY: Eighth Grade Journal –
I Held Up My Staff And Said, “Help Me, Please7.” A Light Beam Shot Out Of My Staff And He Flung Into a Tree. I Got Up, Picked Up Luan, And Started Walking Back To The Hut When I Heard, “AAAAHH!!” I Turned Around To See The Last Psycho8 Running At Me. “Oh Boy9,” I Said. Then Nate Tackled Him From Behind. The Other Guy Picked Up His Sword. “Now You Will Die Too!” He Yelled. I Threw Luan To Nate10. “Catch!” I Said. Nate Held Luan Up. “
7 – I have the most powerful spell book in the world, and this is all it takes. Pretty nice.
8 – For those keeping track, the five or six guys with swords are now officially psychos. Just wanted to clear that up.
9 – A moment of the definitive Guy Spriggs attitude, at least of those years. Savor it, I don’t mind.
10 – Yeah, this whole “throwing around a person because he’s actually a mace and not really a person at that moment” thing isn’t going to stop being awkward. Sorry.
11 – This must be a different sort of pain than the previous mace beam lighty stuff, seeing as how Nate and the five or six psychos/guys with swords all seemed to emerge unscathed. Weird how that works out.
The third grade entry probably is one of your best so far.
ReplyDeleteHelp me... what kind of inflection is "Oh boy" being said with in Annoyance? I can't quite get a feel for how it should sound.
Yeah, I have a certain affection for this third grade entry. It does accurately capture the way I viewed the time I spent on the playgrounds during those years.
ReplyDeleteAs for "Oh boy," it's decidedly not the genuine excitement of "Oh boy!" I'd imagine it's something akin to your boy Alton Brown's "Oh bother," maybe with a dash of lacking self-confidence for good measure.