March 21, 2010 - Camaraderie!

Eighth Grade Journal – September 5, 1996 (continued)

Another Dragon Attacked. “Josh, Behind You!” I Yelled. “My Sword Is Caught In My Holster¹. I Can’t Get It Out!” Hearne Yelled. I Tossed A Small Sword To Josh. Suddenly The Dragon Fell Down. I Saw That Kelleman Had Killed It With His Dagger². Then I Saw A Huge Dragon Behind Chris. I Ran To The Dead Dragon, Pulled Out The Dagger And Threw It At The Giant Dragon. It Hit It’s Stomach³ And It Flew At Me. Then A Green Blast Hit The Dragon And Sent It To The Ground⁴. Hearne Walked Over And It Tried To Get Up, But Seemed To Be Pinned By A Force. He Finished It Off With One Final Swoop⁵. I Slowly Got Up. “Looks Like The Truce Worked,” I Said, “You Guys Can Stay In The House By Ours⁶.”

For The Next Couple Of Days I Rested Because Of My Shoulder⁷. It Gave Me Chance To Learn More Spells……And Use Them On People⁸! “Hey Kelleman, Come Here.” I Said. “What Is It?” He Asked. “This! Impto Beemto Queerio Fro⁹!!” I Said. Kelleman Smashed Through The Ceiling And Came Back Down Through The Floor¹⁰. “HaHaHaHa!!” I Laughed So Hard. After A While I Got Tired Of Just Setting Around¹¹, So I Trained My Sword Work With Nate And Hearne. “Guy, Try to Block It! Don’t Just Run¹²!” Hearne Said. He Attacked And I Couldn’t Stop Him. I Fell Down And Ran Over Me¹³. “Dang It Man! That’s It!” I Yelled. I Walked Out Of The Room. “Where’s He Going?” Nate Asked. Seconds Later I Walked Back In With My Staff. “My Turn!” I Said. “Oh Crap!” Hearne Yelled And Turned To Run¹⁴.

¹ – I guess it’s conceivable to keep a sword in a holster. Even though, it doesn’t seem likely that a sword could get stuck in a holster. Also, I can now let you know that a Google Image Search for “sword holster” will reveal quite a few nerds.

² – What a guy that Kelleman is. Maybe he’s not such a bad dude after all???? Intrigue!

³ – That is, it hit its stomach.

⁴ – This doesn’t really seem to be explained, so there’s not much I can tell you. I’m sure you’ve had mysterious green blasts save you when you’ve been in a pickle before. Don’t pretend it never happens.

⁵ – Ruthless. I still call this guy my friend even though he will murder a defenseless dragon.

⁶ – I mean, who wouldn’t want to invite your worst enemies (regardless of whether or not there is a “truce”) to live right next to you? I’m glad that I’m the one making these kinds of decisions. This clearly is not a democracy.

⁷ – You know, the wound I got because I dropped my crossbow while fighting a dragon, causing the weapon to misfire and shoot a bolt into my shoulder? Yeah, that’s the one. Also: that’s not a mistake, there is a real paragraph break right there. Shocking, I know.

⁸ – Why wouldn’t you antagonize and attack people when you’re lying around in a relatively defenseless, incapacitated state? Smart!

⁹ – Clearly coming up with these spell names was one of my strengths as a writer. I should switch back to magic-driven fantasy fiction instead of writing about people and feelings and stuff. There’s little place for gems like “Impto Beemto Queerio Fro” in plain old non-genre fiction. Sad.

¹⁰ – Seems like kind of a waste to practice a spell with such a silly awesome name when all it does is throw a person around a little. I’m not really a sadist, but I expect something a little more devastating.

¹¹ – That is, just sitting around.

¹² – That’s me: coward extraordinaire. First I’m such a badass that no one but me can hurt me, then I can’t even practice with my friends. That’s a well-conceived character arc.

¹³ – I’m not confident enough to do the “That is” routine I’ve established, but my best guess is that Josh ran over me after I fell down. What a friend!

¹⁴ – Try to block it, Josh. Don’t just run! Also: what good is a sword against sorcery? And what is a sword compared to the hand that wields it?

March 19, 2010 - Attacking Dragons??!?

Eighth Grade Journal – September 5, 1996

“We Want To Call A Truce¹, You Guys Have Wooped Us Too Many Times.” Kris Pleaded. We Huddled. “No Way. Say No, You Know They’re Lying.” Nate Said². “I Don’t Know, They Seem Serious.” Hearne Said. “Let’s Agree With The Truce, If They Break, We’ll Kick Their Butts!” I Said³. “I Say Go With Guy.” Miller Said. We Walked Towards Them. “Okay, We Will Go With The Truce.” I Said. Then A Loud Screech Came From The Sky⁴. “What The Heck…Dragons!!” Rucinski Screamed. He Tried To Use His Magic, But It Had No Effect. “Dang It!” Kris Yelled⁵. “Time To Test The Truce, Kelleman.” I Said As I Pulled Out Two Crossbows, One In Each Hand. Chris Grabbed A Dagger. He Quickly Threw The Dagger. It Hit One Of The 9 Dragons In The Neck. It Fell To The Ground. Nate Ran Over And Cut Off Its Head With His Sword. “Cool.” Hearne Said⁶. Flare Was Fighting About 4 Dragons⁷. I Took Careful Aim And Shoot Two Arrows. I Hit A Dragon That Was Flying Up Behind Flare. I Reloaded And Took Aim Again. I Suddenly Heard A Flapping To My Right, I Turned And One Of My Crossbows, As It Flew Away, I Fired And Killed The Dragon⁸. The Crossbow Hit The Ground And Went Off. It Shot Into My Shoulder⁹. “AAAGHH!!” I Screamed And Fell Down¹⁰. I Saw Josh Hearne. “Help!” I Yelled. He Heard Me And Ran At Me. He Held His Sword Over His Head And Flung It Over Me Into A Dragon Flying At Me. He Ran Past Me And Pulled His Sword Out Of The Dragon¹¹. “Are You Okay?” Hearne Asked. “Yeah, I Only Was Shot By A Friggin’ Crossbow!” I Yelled¹².

¹ – Dang right they are calling for a truce. As I’m sure you remember, the forces of good (that is, my side) had been thoroughly stomping these evildoers and we were preparing to do so again. I understand that you are excited.

² – Always good to be cautious, always nice for all voices to be heard. All of these characters are so individualized and not cliché or archetypal at all! What a creative mind.

³ – Since I am inexplicably the leader of this group, it’s no surprise that I came up with such a logical, useful solution. Of course, one has to wonder why you would accept a truce with a weaker group instead of just destroying them and going on alone, but it’s better not to think too much about these things.

⁴ – That is really, really scary.

⁵ – Well-explained, as always. I had no idea that dragons were immune to magic. That’s pretty powerful.

⁶ – You have to love moments like this. In the middle of a battle, your friend cuts the head off of a giant, snarling dragon, and the first thought to enter your head is, “Cool.” Notice: there is no exclamation point, so this isn’t about excitement, it’s about observation and description. Well done, guys.

⁷ – Could be three, could be five, all we know is that it is “about four.” Hey, this isn’t bad writing, its accurate for the moment: in the middle of a vicious attack, do you really expect a character to drop everything and count dragons in the sky? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

⁸ – Okay, so I’ll give you my best reading of this sentence since it seems be missing like six words. It appears that an approaching dragon knocked my crossbow loose, but I was still able to squeeze off one more shot before it flew away. Any other interpretations?

⁹ – Pretty brilliant. You know, this is the kind of thing that happens in movies all the time, but you have to wonder how likely it is that a gun or crossbow would fire just because it was dropped to the ground. Also, I love that I apparently wasn’t willing to make myself get hurt by someone else: if I was going to be injured, then it was going to happen with my weapon as a result of a freak accident in which I still killed my foe. Tough to criticize that kind of integrity, am I right?

¹⁰ – I would say that “Aaaggh!” is pretty accurate here. I mean it’s all speculation, but it seems good to me.

¹¹ – That’s a real friend, folks. Can it be any wonder that we’re still friends after all these years? I still need to repay him for killing that dragon that was going to attack me while I was down from a self-inflicted crossbow wound.

¹² – Hilarity!

March 18, 2010 - Tis the Season for Basketball

Sixth Grade Journal – March 9, 1995

If I could change anything about the sixth grade it would¹ that there would be less homework².

¹ – We might be missing a “be” here. Without one it not really a sentence.

² – Is this really such a bad suggestion? I mean, what good has homework ever done. Without it the world might a better place.

Sixth Grade Journal – March 10, 1995

Today I have piano practice from 3:30-4:00 with Mrs. Linda Sturgill³, I have Bryan Lohoff’s⁴ birthday party from 4:30-6:30 at the Garden Roller Rink⁵, and Jay Wonn is spending the night.

³ – In retrospect, it’s kind of amazing that a person is supposed to be able to learn how to play the piano from meeting with an “expert” just thirty minutes per week. Also, Mrs Sturgill’s house had a putting green instead of a front lawn. Weird.

⁴ – Bryan Lohoff as a good friend and a great soccer player. I always thought his parents were a little too straight-laced, so I didn’t spend much time at his house because I felt we couldn’t do anything there. His birthday party was the perfect opportunity to cut loose…

⁵ – And there was no better place for birthday excellence in the tri-state area than the Garden Roller Rink. A little “YMCA,” a little Rampage in the arcade, a little pizza and birthday cake. Oh man, so awesome.

Sixth Grade Journal – March 15, 1995

Kentucky is a state great basketball the Appalachain Mountains⁶. Our state capital is Frankfort. Our state bird: the cardinal, our state flower: Goldenrod, and our state tree: Kentucky Coffee⁷.

⁶ – There might be a missing comma or colon in that sentence. Either that or I’m using the phrase “great basketball” as a verb. I’m always trying to innovate new ways of using the English language, and it’s clear that this legacy goes back a long way.

⁷ – This is a rather awkwardly formatted sentence: I’m usually not the guy who utilizes multiple colons because it’s not my style: but to each their own. It is nice to be reminded of this incredibly useful information, however. Knowing about the Kentucky Coffee is the kind of thing that separates losers from untold millions in the Jeopardy! universe.

Sixth Grade Journal – March 16, 1995

Today is a Star Day⁸! YYEESS!!!!!!!⁹ I am going to my computer class called Advanced Youth Education¹⁰ at 3:30 p.m.

⁸ – Star Days were pretty awesome. Few things fill a schoolkid with hope and energy more than the anticipation of a day that ends at noon.

⁹ – This is an accurate transcription of the number of y’s, e’s, s’s, and exclamation points in the original entry. This blog has a serious dedication to truthful reportage.

¹⁰ – Ah, I’m sure you remember Ashland Youth Education, that gloriously unexplained after-school activity that Mrs Robertson always wanted to know more about. It kind of sucks that I got to go home at noon, check out of school mode and start to relax, only to then leave a few hours later for a glorified computer learning class. Boo.

Sixth Grade Journal – March 17, 1995

Basketball Words:

1 – rebound¹¹ 2 – pass 3 – block 4 – steal 5 – slam dunk 6 – foul 7 – technical 8 – N.B.A. 9 – assist¹² 10 – three-pointer 11 – free throw 12 – charge 13 – blocking 14 – reach 15 – tip-off¹³ 16 – double-dribble 17 – lay-up 18 – N.C.A.A. 19 – N.I.T. 20 – Final four 21 – Elite eight¹⁴ 22 – Sweet sixteen 23 – rim 24 – hoop¹⁵ 25 – backboard 26 – lane 27 – court 28 – jump

¹¹ – Again, look at these priorities: when asked to list words related to basketball, the first thing I list is rebound. It’s all about being scrappy and workmanlike.

¹² – As nice as it is to lead with rebound, it’s not so great that assists don’t make an appearance until number nine. I guess I have the mentality of a big man. Always have.

¹³ – What kind of kid would list something as mundane as “tip-off” (and not, say, “jumpball”) in an entry about basketball terms? The game runs in my veins, I tell you.

¹⁴ – Back in those days I usually called it the Great Eight, but I guess I decided to conform to the more standard language. Maybe I knew that someday I’d be sharing my journal with the world (and by the world, I mean five or six people I’m related to or have been friends with at some point). How weird is that??!?!?

¹⁵ – Rim and hoop? There might be a little double-dipping going on here.

March 17, 2010 - Lists, including France

Sixth Grade Journal – February 22, 1995

1) Paris 2) La Marseillaise¹ 3) Napoleon 4) Eiffel Tower 5) Louvre 6) Notre Dame Cathedral 7) Bastille² 8) Arc De Triomph 9) Siene River 10) Wheat³ 11) Cars⁴ 12) Perfumes 13) Wines 14) Grapes⁵ 15) Pureness⁶ 16) Mont Blanc 17) Francs 18) Mitterand⁷ 19) Tri-Color 20) Tennis 21) Corsica 22) Juin⁸ 23) Avril 24) Août 25) Mai

¹ – Apparently this is the name for the French National Anthem. Since I realize how difficult it is to figure out the theme for this list, I’m pretty sure that it’s something like, “List apparently random things that can be associated with France.” This is sure to be a classic.

² – I love the combinations of things so far on this list: city, song, tyrant/leader, landmark, art gallery, chuch, prison… Either France is a weird place or I was a weird kid. Maybe both.

³ – Ah, I knew it was only a matter of time before things got interesting. If you’re anything like me, however, the first thing you think of when someone says “France” is “wheat.” Also, the first thing you think of when someone says “wheat” is “France.” Pretty obvious.

⁴ – I would consider this accurate if it said bad cars instead of just cars. Cars are pretty much everywhere these days, but in France the cars are bad. Really bad. Renault Twingo = lose.

⁵ – Here’s a secret I learned a long time ago: where you find wine, you usually find grapes. Not always, but most of the time. You’re welcome.

⁶ – I’m…not really sure what this means. Maybe I was going for “Pyrenees?” Sometimes it’s tough to know.

⁷ – François Mitterand, really? How random is that? I wouldn’t really consider him the go-to modern French leader (over, say, Charles de Gaulle) since all I know about Mitterand is his name and that he is French. He probably likes wheat, (bad) cars, perfumes, wines, grapes, and pureness, but I can only assume.

⁸ – Ah yes, the old standby: when in doubt, start listing months. Bilingual, yo!

Sixth Grade Journal – February 23, 1995

Today in school I have gym (P.E.) and computer class⁹.

⁹ – This must have been a pretty exciting day, because I don’t remember having two “special” classes like this on the same day in elementary school. Usually we did library, music, PE, computer, and Spanish, each on its own day. Quit breaking the rules, Mrs Robertson!

Sixth Grade Journal – February 28, 1995

1) Turn off T.V. & Lights when leaving a room¹⁰.

2) Don’t turn on the lights in daytime¹¹.

3) Insolate your house¹²

4) Only turn on heater in winter¹³

5) Only turn on air conditioner in spring & summer.

6) Don’t watch a lot of T.V.

7) Recycle

8) Make fires, candles, or flashlights¹⁴

9) Play outside a lot¹⁵

10) Don’t use the microwave so much.

¹⁰ – I don’t really know that this is good energy-saving advice as much as it is common sense. This should be second nature unless you’re one of those people who likes to leave the TV on for their pets. If you are, I’m not sure that you are my target audience.

¹¹ – As I’ve gotten older, I’ve turned into one of those people who prefers closing the blinds and using inside lights even during the day. Maybe it’s my way of showing appreciation for the miracle of electricity and light. Maybe I just love artificial light. Or maybe I’m just not that responsible when it comes to using power.

¹² – Next to this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Good one!” That’s all I do is produce good ones, lady.

¹³ – Turning on the heater is for chumps. Even if you love the heater, why would you turn it on any time but the winter?

¹⁴ – Make a flashlight? I have no idea how to make a flashlight. Hopefully I was just confusing the words “make” and “use,” although that hardly makes things better.

¹⁵ – Wrong! Playing outside turns potential into kinetic energy, which is released from your body into the atmosphere, thus creating global warming. Next time you see a group of kids “playing” during recess, know that they are destroying our planet. Rotten, short-sighted kids.

Sixth Grade Journal – March 1, 1995

In kindergarten I remember snack time and nap time¹⁶. In 1^st grade I remember Mrs. Maxwell¹⁷.

¹⁶ – Who doesn’t remember snack time and nap time? Snacks and naps are the only thing keeping a five-year-old alive.

¹⁷ – Mrs Maxwell was awesome. She left Hager Elementary after I finished first grade, and when I found out that I was going to have Mrs Wheeler (the other first grade teacher) in third grade, I threatened to never go back to school again (Note: I know it sounds weird that I would have a first grade teacher for third grade, but thus is the weirdness of primary schooling). Wherever you are, Mrs Maxwell, I still think you rock.

Sixth Grade Journal – March 8, 1995

My feelings about the science fair are that there are many great exhibits and it will very hard to place this year but I think I can¹⁸.

¹⁸ – Wow, how politicized and pampered does that comment sound? It’s like I was reading a prepared response to a reporter asking me how I felt about being nominated for an Oscar. “Oh, there are so many great nominees, it will be hard to win but I think I can.” To let you know, my science fair involved testing various water supplies for C0₂ content and cleanliness, and I won in both fifth and sixth grade. Booyah.

March 16, 2010 - A Valentine and Stange Lists

First, I want to say something to the beautiful, wonderful people who have been nice enough to not only read this blog but comment on the entries. I don’t know how the whole comment/response notification process works for you, but I have responded to every comment left on this blog (which is not nearly the task it sounds). I am always notified by e-mail when someone comments on my blog, but in case you are not notified when I respond to those comments (I assume you are not), I want you to know that nothing has been ignored. Hurray for everyone!

Oh, I also realized that I had been labeling entries from the spring of third grade as 1993 instead of 1992. I’m too lazy to go back and change it, so I guess the egg is on my face. Let’s pretend this never happened.

Third Grade Journal – March 16, 1992

Today’s team of the day is the Washington Bullets¹

¹ – The Washington Bullets had one of my favorite logos in sports history. It’s a true shame that they changed their name to the Wizards. It seems like no one remembers great Bullets players like Bernard King since the team pretty much doesn’t exist anymore. I can say, however, that it would be both coincidental and hilarious if the whole Gilbert Arenas incident happened on a team called the Bullets.

Sixth Grade Journal – February 14, 1995

My special valentine would be sent to the beautiful Heather Mattingly², because that is the girl I like, she is Hot³!

² – Heather Mattingly was a fifth grader who transferred to Hager at the beginning of my sixth grade year. She was the cousin of my on-again-off-again squeeze Chrissie Belprez and, sadly, the girlfriend of then-friend Evan Musseter. As you might imagine, this crush ended in heartache and unbelievable awkwardness. Through the wonders of Facebook, I have learned that she is now married and has a child.

³ – It’s times like this when I think that the best thing to come out of this blog is that I don’t feel particularly embarrassed about stuff like this. I’m growing as a person!

Sixth Grade Journal – February 15, 1995

I worry about:

1 – getting another “B” or missing assignments!⁴

2 – not memorizing my piano piece.⁵

3 – not learning my kicks in karate class.

4 – not playing better basketball.⁶

5 – someone reading my yesterday’s journal.⁷

⁴ – I’m not sure this is exciting enough to warrant an exclamation point. I worry about getting B’s! Yeah, I don’t get it.

⁵ – Even though I took piano for a long time, I don’t think I ever quite figured out that you could play a piece by reading the music and playing at the same time. I was not much of a multi-tasker in those days.

⁶ – Yeah, I was really struggling at this point. In one of the games we played at Holy Family, I shot a wide-open baseline jumper into the side of the backboard and then, after the ball came right back to me, did the exact same thing again. I guess you could say I was a little overexcited.

⁷ – I have an easy way to avoid this: don’t write about your crush in your school journal, don’t draw attention to it by coloring the page in camouflage, and don’t expect people to heed such warnings at “Top Secret” and “Do Not Enter.” Sheesh. Also, next to this entry Mrs Robertson wrote, “Sounds like you’re busy!” Dang right, teacher stalker lady.

Sixth Grade Journal – February 15, 1993

Strange habits of known people are:⁸

1 – Evan White: Silently mumbles after he talks.⁹

2 – Jordan Davis: Starts fights & passes gas.¹⁰

3 – Jenni Hill: Sucks up to everyone.¹¹

4 – Brandon Galloway: Tells sick jokes.¹²

5 – Trey Lewis: Thinks he’s awesome¹³.

⁸ – First, I’m a bit confused as to why there are two entries for this date. Second, why would a teacher give such a passive-aggressive journal topic to her sixth grade class? Third, what does “known people” mean?

⁹ – This was very true, and something that always amused me. For instance, if he asked you “What time is it?” he would follow his question by silently mouthing the phrase “What time is it?” a second time while you were responding. It still vexes me to this day.

¹⁰ – I don’t really remember the passing gas part, but I did not have a lot of positive feelings about Jordan Davis. After all, he was the villain whose family moved into the house of then-friend Nate Hausrath. We fought a lot this year, so much so that I almost got kicked off of the school patrol because of it. I have since curbed this rebellious, brawling attitude. Lucky for you.

¹¹ – I also had incredibly antagonistic feelings towards Jenni Hill at this time. She came to Hager in sixth grade and, as much as I love my fellow Hager graduates that year and as much as I hate to admit it, she was the only person who was a challenge to my position as smartest kid in class. She also sucked up to people a lot, apparently.

¹² – Brandon Galloway was something of a villain in my life for two reasons. The first reason was that his dad was the coach of our basketball team that year, and I was bumped to the bench in favor of Brandon, who was easily the worst starter on our team. The second is that once after school he punched me in the stomach (in front of our teacher in the classroom, no less), and then told Mrs Robertson that the reason I was doubled over on the ground was because he held out his fist and I ran into it. Seriously. That’s right, Brandon, I haven’t forgotten, and someday I’m going to hold out my first so you can “run into it.” Payback.

¹³ – I have no recollection of Trey Lewis, so he clearly wasn’t that awesome.

March 15, 2010 - No more Reggie Miller

Third Grade Journal – March 6, 1993

My favorite kind of pizza is a six cheese pizza¹ or a pizza with extra cheese, pepperoni, and sausage². My favorite places are Pizza Hut³

¹ – These days I’m not sure how I feel about a six-cheese pizza. Can you really name six cheeses that you’d want to have on a pizza, let alone at the same time? I sure can’t.

² – Now that sounds delightful. It sounds both failsafe and delicious.

³ – If this list had continued, I’m sure Mr Gatti’s would have soon followed. Pizza Hut does have the best breadsticks, though.

Third Grade Journal – March 9, 1993

Sunny with a 95% chance of Pizza⁴. Once upon atime in Maine something weird happened all of the people went poor⁵. But the next Tony Cavalier⁶ said it was sunny with a 95% chance of Pizza⁷. The town jumped with Joy. And For They next 3 days it would be Rainy with a chance of strawberries and ceareal⁸.

⁴ – Until writing this, I had no idea that Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was a children’s book that existed before this journal entry. I’m relatively certain that I never read it, but as much I consider myself a creative person I’m pretty sure I didn’t just invent this type of idea of my own.

⁵ – I am amused by the idea that an entire group of people would just “go poor.” Also, of all places in the world where something like this would happen, Maine seems to be the least likely (note: please don’t ask me to explain the criteria system for this). Next to the word “poor,” I drew an arrow connected to the word “Boo” written in the superscript. Boo indeed.

⁶ – Tony Cavalier was the main weatherman in Ashland during this day and age. As I recall, he wasn’t known for having the most spotless prediction record, but it probably wasn’t easy to come by meteorologists in Ashland.

⁷ – Next to the word “Pizza,” I drew an arrow connected to the word “Ya” written in the superscript. If I meant “Yay,” then I wholeheartedly agree.

⁸ – That would be pretty awesome, especially if it was strawberries and cereal. Next to the word “ceareal” (which might not actually be a word), I drew an arrow connected to the word “Ya” in the superscript.

Third Grade Journal – March 10, 1993

1. Get a bowl

2. Get Milk, Ceareal, Spoon and Sugar⁹.

3. Pour Ceareal into bowl.

4. Put the Sugar on top.

5. Pour milk on¹⁰.

6. If you want something on top put it on top¹¹.

7. enjoy!

⁹ – You know, not every cereal requires sugar. Then again, my Mom loved to buy Crispix and normal Shredded Wheat, both of which are disastrous without a little sugar. Also: is it really that useful to make kids write about instructions for eating cereal in their journals?

¹⁰ – I know it might sound radical, but I am not sure I believe in pouring on milk after sugar. If you put the sugar on first then all of it just gets washed to the bottom of the bowl, meaning that you have to scrape the sugar up the entire time. Milk first, sugar second. That’s the real way to do it.

¹¹ – That goes without saying, I guess. Although I should point out that I didn’t mention these toppings in the instructions until now. There might be a slight deduction for this omission. I’m just saying.

Third Grade Journal – March 11, 1993

Today’s team of the day is the Indiana Pacers. Chuck Person¹² and Reggie Miller play for the Pacers. Chuck Person is fast. He can dribble very well¹³. Reggie Miller has a incredible scoring ability¹⁴.

¹² – Notice that Chuck Person got mentioned before Reggie. Damn straight.

¹³ – He can do everything better than Reggie Miller except catch the ball and throw up prayers! Okay, let’s keep it calm and professional.

¹⁴ – Yes, we’ve been over this…

Third Grade Journal – March 12, 1993

I would like to trade places with a beaver¹⁵. Cause if they made the wall out of wood I would chew through shake hands with all the people then leave¹⁶.

¹⁵ – Of all the things that have changed about me since I wrote these journals, this might be the thing that is most different. Nothing against beavers, but who would want to switch to being a beaver? That seems like a terrible idea.

¹⁶ – Wait, what? If the beavers made a wall out of wood I would chew through it and shake hands with people? What people? The people who are the beavers who made the wall? The people on the other side of the wall made by the beavers? I guess to have to worry about all of these complications when you are a beaver.

March 14, 2010 - What a kid!

Third Grade Journal – February 26, 1993

Today’s player of the day Moses Malone. Moses Malone is the only former American in the Basketball Assocition¹. His number was 24 when he played for the Rockets. Now his number is 24 and he plays for the Hawks².

¹ – The only former American? Abuh? Even if I knew what a former American was I’m not certain that it would be accurate to call Moses Malone one.

² – So his number was 24 before and it’s 24 now. Thanks for doing that difficult jersey number tracking for me. Did you know that Moses Malone was one of the first players to play professional basketball (albeit in the ABA) straight out of high school? Now that is good information. I think.

Third Grade Journal – February 28, 1993

When I was in Kindergarten my favorite centers was³ the reading, computer, coloring, listening, science, blocks⁴ and I liked the letter people very much⁵. My favorite one was SuperSocks⁶. I liked nap time too⁷, but now it’s my sisters turn⁸.

³ – Clearly not the grammar center. Get it straight, kid!

⁴ – Blocks center? Is this a basketball joke? If it’s not, is it really possible that learning centers in kindergarten put learning science on the same level as playing with blocks? This is all rather confusing.

⁵ – The letter people? What the hell was going on at Hager’s kindergarten?

⁶ – The SuperSocks. The SuperSocks? Can anybody tell me what on Earth SuperSocks has to do with anything? I’m so lost.

⁷ – Of course I liked nap time. I got to nap on the carpet next to Karen Rinkenberger (I promise that’s a real name), who was my main squeeze in those days. I wonder what she’s up to these days.

⁸ – What a sweet kid I was. All those great memories, and instead of wanting to relive them I was resigned to the fact that now was my sister’s chance to experience the greatness of kindergarten.

Third Grade Journal – March 2, 1993

I’d like to invent a machine⁹ car that has can be a car, a boat, a submarine, a helcopter and a airplane so spies could catch people easier¹⁰.

⁹ – I scribbled out the word “machine” because apparently I thought it would be cooler to have a modular car than just some silly robot.

¹⁰ – How many eight-year-olds would want to invent something that awesome so it could be used by spies to catch criminals? Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind taking it out for a spin, but that was clearly the secondary concern. Seriously, what a kid.

Third Grade Journal – March 4, 1993

Reggie Miller¹¹. Reggie Miller’s ability to score points¹² is part of the reason he was the Indiana Pacers (first NBA All-Star) selection in 13 years in 1990¹³. He plays for the Pacers his number is 31¹⁴.

¹¹ – Apparently at this point I was so deluded that I didn’t think Reggie needed the “Today’s player of the day” introduction. If only I knew then that he would become my least favorite player NBA history. Also: this blog update is not a copromotion with ESPN, which is airing the documentary Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. The New York Knicks as I create this update.

¹² – I have news for you: that’s his only ability. The guy can’t dribble, pass, defend, or rebound. All he can do or ever could do is catch and shoot the ball. That’s it. You know it’s true.

¹³ – It’s kind of sad when Reggie Miller is your first All-Star in thirteen years. I guess The Indiana Pacers aren’t exactly the premiere NBA franchise.

¹⁴ – Yeah, this about all anyone can really say about Reggie. There aren’t really any more positives to note.

Third Grade Journal – March 5, 1993

Today’s player of the day is James Worthy¹⁵.

¹⁵ – Not much fanfare for a guy who was better than Reggie Miller on the college and pro level. Sad. I guess I still had a lot to learn.