February 5 - Another Epic Return of Annoyance

Third Grade Journal – February 5, 1992
What you should do to take care of your teeth.¹
1 Brush very good.²
2 Floss.
3. Swish after you brush.
4 Don’t eat to much sweets.
5 See your dentist every month.³
6 Brush every day.
7 Keep your teeth nice and pretty clean white⁴
Like him. Not like him.⁵

¹ – Looking back at these entries I have to admit that I’m a bit confused by the priorities of elementary school education. Couldn’t my teachers have been showing me how to construct a proper sentence instead of trying to tell me how to take care of my teeth?
² – Case in point.
³ – I’m not one of those people who dislikes or is afraid of the dentist, but this seems a little excessive. Probably expensive, too.
⁴ – Easily the best entry of the best here. Want to take care of your teeth? Keep them nice and pretty clean white. Done!
⁵ – As you can see from these lifelike illustrations, dental care is serious business.

Sixth Grade Journal – February 2, 1995
Today I have a basketball game: Hager Wildcats (us)⁶ Vs. Oakview Comets (them) at the Hager Elementary School gym at 4:15.⁷ Hager Wildcats record 9-4, Oakview Comets record 9-4.⁸

⁶ – Just in case you were confused.
⁷ – I’m developing a theory that the reason I kept including all of this unnecessary (yet accurate) information about these events is because I didn’t want to get in trouble for creating entries that were too short. If Mrs Robertson wants quantity over quality, that’s what she’s going to get!
⁸ – Pretty evenly matched, I say. The Comets were worthy foes in those days. At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Sounds like it should have been a close game? Who won?” Ignoring her inexplicable first question mark, I wrote, “We did” after her comment. You want a back and forth? A little dialogue? You got it.

Sixth Grade Journal – February 3, 1995
My favorite music group would have to be Green Day, a rock n roll group.⁹ My favorite song is a tie between Basketcase, by Green Day, and When I Come Around, also by Green Day.¹⁰

⁹ – I’m sure I was the target demographic. I can only laugh when I think of what Green Day’s reaction would be if they knew that they were the favorite band of a ten-year-old.
¹⁰ – I like to think that my musical experience has expanded a bit since then. At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “I haven’t heard of Green Day. (I guess that means I’m getting old.)” Hilarious, Mrs Robertson! Quit trying to bring down kids with tales of your midlife crisis.

Eighth Grade Journal – September 3, 1996
Then New Weapons Appeared, Stuff Like Knives, Swords, CrossBows, Bows & Arrows, And Another SpellBook.¹¹ “Cool.” Hearne Said. Everyone Got One Of Each And I Grabbed The Spellbook. “Let’s Go Kick Their Butts!” Nate Yelled. “That Would Not Be Wise,” Flare Said. “The Old Looking Guy Is Phisean, And His Spells OverPower Yours Palin. If You Challenge, We Will Have To Devise A Plan.” “Call Me Guy, Not Palin¹² You Moronic Dragon¹³.” I Said. Then We Went Inside To Make A Plan. “Guy, You Will Have To Be The Leader¹⁴, Because You Are The Only Within Reasonable Range Of Power¹⁵, And I Will Help You. Nate, Josh, Josh¹⁶, & Ishbu Fight The Rest.” Blaze Said. “What About Me?” Luan Asked. “You Will Be KnightBringer,” Blaze Said, “And Guy Will Fight With You¹⁷.” We Prepared For The Fight. We Got On Flare And Flew To The Hut, They Were Waiting.¹⁸

¹¹ – I’m sure you remember where we last left off, but incase you don’t, our enemies had transformed and teleported away. Exciting!
¹² – That’s a sensible suggestion. I was ahead of my time in not wanting to be called “Palin.”
¹³ – How many people do you know who can say that they were face-to-face with a dragon and called the dragon moronic? That’s what I thought.
¹⁴ – Imagine that!
¹⁵ – Maybe we should change the name of this blog from Ship of Theseus to Ship of Modesty.
¹⁶ – Not a typo. Two Joshes. But I’m sure you remember from the extensive notes you’ve been keeping on this seminal text.
¹⁷ – How could anyone forget?
¹⁸ – I can’t image the anticipation you’re feeling. Your patience will be rewarded. Well, it will be responded to. I can’t promise that the response will be what anyone would call a “reward.”