June 11, 2010

June 11, 2010 - An important date

When I was in fifth grade, I was a second-string forward on my school’s basketball team. While I enjoyed going to practice because it meant competing in scrimmage games (and therefore actually playing), it was hard for me to get excited for actual games since I was behind the coach’s son in the rotation and therefore saw little time on the floor.


As I prepared to go to ALP on the day of one of my school’s basketball games, my Dad encouraged to psych myself up by telling people on the opposing team that we were going to beat them. I didn’t have the heart to tell my Dad that I didn’t know anyone on Oakview’s basketball team, so instead I decided that I would go up to some of the ALP kids from Oakview and tell them we were going to win that night.


In class I took a seat next to a kid who I knew was from Oakview – that was about all I knew about him – and after one of our lessons was over I pumped myself up and turned towards him.


“We’re going to kick your butt tonight,” I said anxiously.


“Uh…okay?” he responded, shrugging his shoulders and never really taking his eyes off his notebook.


I know this seems like an utterly forgettable encounter with random classmate, but in this case it happens to be my memory of how I first met Josh Hearne. At the very least, it can be called an auspicious start to a friendship that has now been an integral part of who I am for well over half of my life.


Some people come into your life and change you because they are different from you and can share their experiences with you. They introduce you to new things and educate you based on the things they already know. Josh is not one of those people.


Josh affects those around him simply by being who he is. His personality and demeanor have always made me try to improve myself, and not because he tries to be cool or because he encourages anyone to impress him. Josh just seems to be doing things right. You don’t benefit from knowing Josh because of the experiences either of you have had before, you benefit because of how you each grow and the experiences you share together.


Even if I were to never see Josh again – which would be one of the worst tragedies that could befall me – my life would continue to be informed by the time we’ve spent together. Simply put, Josh is a part of me. I can only hope that other people have such a beneficial, rewarding relationship with someone.


Josh is my friend and the closest thing I have to a brother, and I love him for being a part of my life. He looks for (and can find) the best in people. He maintains compassion and perspective when it would be remarkably easy for him to be glib and complacent. He can tell people how he feels.


I admire Josh. He knows an immense amount about topics that I cannot even begin to fathom. He can see things in ways that I cannot. He thinks and acts with a true concern for the wellbeing of others. And even though I have been fortunate enough to know Josh for a long time and watch him grow into the person he is today, I believe that these traits are not confined to the relationship he and I have.


Josh is a truly great person. I am lucky to know him and honored that he calls me his friend. My friend Viktor would say that Josh deserves to have lived this long, but I believe Josh deserves much more than that.


Today is Josh’s birthday, and I hope that this year is his best yet. He may not have helped psych me up for the game against Oakview back in fifth grade, but over the years he has helped make me a better person, and for that I can never thank him enough.


Oh, and we beat Oakview that night. I never got in the game.

June 9, 2010

June 9, 2010 - What I believe

As I continue to engage in discussion – mostly but not exclusively political – I consistently run up against the same contention: that I am mistaken simply because I am young and naïve, and that I will learn and eventually get things right as I become older. Even though I do not subscribe to the notion that age inherently carries wisdom, I do think that a person should try to learn and improve over the course of his (or her) life. I don’t think that this sense of self-education necessarily implies change, but can instead take the form of refinement.


On the most basic level, I have never taken kindly to the suggestion that I am just young and naïve because it seems like the worst possible explanation for why I might be wrong. That said, if I do change how I feel and look at the world, I would like to have a clear image of how I saw things before those changes. I want to do the best I can to record what things are important to me and how I feel about them at this point at my life, if only so I can have a way of knowing how I used to feel.


Naturally, this will be incredibly hard for me to write, and will undoubtedly vary regularly between thoughts that are lucid, thoughts that are incomplete, and thoughts that seem egotistical or pretentious. I would prefer a consistently coherent piece that doesn’t sound as if I am trying represent myself as smarter or better than others (or as smarter or better than I really am), but that is unlikely to happen. I am too self-conscious to write without ego or without some attempt, however underlying or unintended, to make myself seem a certain way.


That is the first thing that I believe, and that makes this process understandably imperfect. Perhaps that is the way it should be. I can say, however, that the only person I expect to agree with everything I believe is me. This is not meant to be argumentative or coercive but declarative and informative. I cannot promise that it will be engaging, but I can promise that it will be as true as possible.


I believe that what you believe in does not matter nearly as much as why you believe it. With some obvious exceptions, I think that almost anything can be believed for the right reason(s). I believe that thinking this way helps you to understand issues more clearly and, perhaps more importantly, respect those with whom you disagree. Because of this, however, I never assume that I truly believe in the same things as someone who superficially supports the same “positions” that I do.


I believe that people are good. I have to remind myself of this sometimes, and I have not always felt this way, but I believe it nevertheless. I am not convinced that humans will “make it” in the end – whatever that might mean – but if we fail it won’t be for lack of trying or because individuals are not good enough.


I also believe that people are supposed to take care of each other. What comes before and after life is a mystery, and all we have during our time is one another. This, to me, is why being alone can also be very painful.


I believe that the hardest thing any person can do is realize that other people are as complicated as you are. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that the person in the car next to you at a red light is more than an extra in the movie of your life, but I think that it’s important to recognize that even the most random passerby has an entire world inside of them. I also find it much easier to be happy and nice if you honestly believe that the people around you are not just cardboard cutouts.


I believe that people are better, more valuable, and more important than animals. I also believe that people should be stewards of the Earth, including the animals on it. I have a great amount of respect for most vegetarians, but I don’t know how to react to people who argue that animal life is somehow worth more than human life.


I believe that Akira Kurosawa’a The Seven Samurai is the best film I’ve ever seen. I believe that Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man is the best book I’ve ever read. I believe that Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys is the best album I’ve ever heard. I believe that The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past is the best video game I’ve ever played.


I believe that it’s important to inject a little levity into supposedly serious proceedings.


I believe that the people who shout the loudest and the longest – especially when their message doesn’t change – often have the least to add to any conversation that might improve your life or the world.


I believe that American history is a narrative, and the recurring theme is this: people with varying degrees of imperfection doing what they can to make what they believe is a better nation. As much as we debate about John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, or Abraham Lincoln, the absolutely irrefutable threads that run between them are that all three were only men and all three made mistakes. All three were also brilliant, and that’s what makes their humanity and mistakes so hard.


I believe that Abraham Lincoln is the single greatest figure in American history. His view of the American Union, which my professor William Campbell often referred to as “mystical,” is the ideal to which we should continue to aspire. I believe that there is no limit to what we can continue to learn from what he did, said, wrote, and thought.


I believe that patriotism has nothing to do with American flag lapel pins, American flag t-shirts, or American flag car stickers. The greatest American patriots of the past didn’t wear American flag neckties or bandanas, and recognized that the American flag was not a design or a logo but a flag. I believe that the fact that the flag on US Army uniforms is less than three inches square tells us something.


I believe that a place with more guns is more dangerous than a place with less guns. I have never felt safer knowing that I am in a room with someone who is carrying a gun, legally or otherwise. I know that the world can be a dangerous place, but I don’t feel that it is made safer in any way by ordinary citizens using their own guns as a crime deterrent or as would-be vigilantes. I also think that while my understanding of the Constitution is amateur and incomplete at best, the average, now-accepted reading of the Second Amendment is essentially senseless.


I believe too little government is often a bigger threat to America’s continued providence than too much government. I believe that faith in the free market implies a belief in business as an overwhelmingly benevolent institution that even hard-line socialists do not possess about the government. Or, to quote Chuck Warnock, I believe that “Free markets will not self-regulate and reward noble purposes because we cannot assume good will by the majority toward the minority.” A United States operating without government regulation scares me and is not a place where I would ever want to live.


I believe that an inordinate percentage of people who consider themselves to be “pro-life” don’t seem to care enough about the lives of people who have already been born. The fact that there are people who are simultaneously pro-life, pro-war, and pro-death penalty defies any form of logic as I understand it.


I believe that there should be a wall of separation between church and state. I believe that a statue of the Ten Commandments in an American courthouse is an affront to the things our nation stands for. While we may argue about whether or not the founding fathers were personally religious, the documents they painstakingly crafted to describe the nation they wanted were and are, in my mind, clearly against an institutionally religious nation.


I believe that the people who are involved in the “tea party” movement know nothing about American history, the founding fathers, the Constitution, the Boston Tea Party, or contemporary politics on any level.


I believe that those who insist that there is a liberal bias in the media and academia understand little about what liberalism and bias are or what actually goes on in the media and in academia.


I believe that the people who say things like “those who can’t do, teach” have an inexplicable disrespect for those who have devoted their lives to helping make children and adolescents into intelligent, functioning members of society. Those people undoubtedly owe a tremendous amount to the teachers they have had, and why they choose to ignore that is something I do not understand.


I believe that it is wrong to disparage the role that art plays in defining a society and what it holds as important or valuable. I think that there is no limit to what we can learn about who we are and who we used to be by understanding what art tells us about what individuals and cultures are/were invested in. Because of this, I also believe that is wrong to disrespect the study of art as somehow unimportant or useless because what it produces is not necessarily tangible or marketable.


I believe that just because a person is an observer rather than a participant does not mean that his (or her) commentary on or criticism of a topic is inherently bunk. There would be little meaningful discourse in the world if only actors and directors could review movies or if only players and coaches could analyze basketball. And while actually doing something can provide a certain perspective that observing or studying often cannot, I believe that the perspective it provides is not the only one that is valuable or meaningful.


I believe that I am indescribably lucky and that I recognize my luck and how much I have to be thankful for. I believe that I am a good person, and I hope that I can become a great person.


Finally, I believe that I would not be shocked to find out that I am an alien. It would explain a lot of things.

June 6, 2010

June 8, 2010 - Favorites and bests

Sixth Grade Journal – May 26, 1995



Favorites

Bests1

Foods

Corn

Hamburgers2

Movies

Forrest Gump

Forrest Gump3

Songs

When I Come

Around

Basketcase4

TV Shows

Friends5

Jeopardy!

Music

Groups

Green Day

CCR6

Clothes7

Shorts

Shirts

Past-times

Basketball

Soccer8


















1This is the last entry in this journal, and it takes the form of a sort of chart, which I try to duplicate here. Most people who know me are aware that I make a rather strong distinction between the things I consider the best and I the things I consider my favorite(s), so it’s interesting for me to see that this feeling goes all the way back to sixth grade.

2Hamburgers might still be on this list, but probably under the “favorites” column instead of the “bests.”

3A clean sweep for Forrest Gump, eh? It’s safe to say that this wouldn’t really be the case these days. Forrest Gump is one of the movies that I seem to view in a different light than everyone else. Someday I’ll tell you all about it.

4Apparently I wasn’t lying when I said that I really liked Green Day.

5Ugh. A truly disastrous addition to the list. It’s hard for me to justify this, even though I was only eleven.

6It actually says “Creedence [sic] Clearwater Revival” in the journal, but I couldn’t get it to fit into this table. That’s a special “behind the scenes” insight into the creation of this blog. You’re welcome!

7Clothes? Favorite and best clothes? And what’s more, I’m not even talking about specific articles of clothing but entire varieties? How the hell are shirts “better” than shorts, and how do you prefer shorts over shirts?

8Wrong. Seriously wrong.



Eight Grade Journal – September 9, 1996

As Kelleman, Nate, and Hearne Got Up, The Strong Guy Knocked Them Out Cold9. Then Went After Miller10. Josh Hit Him With A Board But It Had No Effect. The Guy Grabbed Miller’s Arm And Broke It11, But He Didn’t Stop As He Hit Josh Through Another Wall. I Tried To Stop The Guy But He Kept Kicking Miller’s Butt12. “Help Him Please,” I Said For My Spell13. A Beam Tore Through His Stomach And He Disappeared. Miller Was Bloodied And Beaten, Lying On The Floor. I Laughed And Walked Off14. Seconds Later Josh Was Up And Tackled Me. I Threw Him Off And Jumped Up. He Was On His Knees And I Cracked Him Across The Face. “I Tried To Stop That Guy You Moron! Why Did You Tackle Me?” I Yelled. “Because You Didn’t Help!” Miller Said15. “Shut Up.” I Said. “Only In Your Wildest Dreams!” Josh Said16. I Racked His Over The Head And Knocked Him Out17.


9When we last left off, I was conjuring spells to beat up my friends. What a guy I am, eh? Also, soon it will be easier to remember the narrative of this serial brilliance since I won’t have much else by way of journal entries to share with you.

10This is what we call a sentence fragment, kids. I’m sure Cormac McCarthy would be proud.

11Something about the directness of this little passage makes it seem particularly gruesome to me. It’s not that eighth-grade Guy was usually a poet, but it seems like I typically had more to say than just “this dude grabbed the other dude’s arm and broke it.”

12The funniest thing about reading passages like this is that they make me think that I was in the middle of some sort of beef with Miller at this time, and that’s why I was having this magical warrior destroy him. My passive-aggressive streak seems to run pretty deep.

13This is a big upgrade from nonsense like “Impto Beemto Queerio Fro,” in my mind. Of course, it makes the whole spellcasting process seem remarkably plain, but there’s little I can do about it now.

14Not the coolest thing a friend could do in that spot. I don’t want to spoil the next few sentences, but Miller gets kind of pissed. Understandable.

15I kind of put myself in an indefensible position here. I’m the one who created the dude, I’m the one who let him kick my friend’s butt, and I’m the one who laughed as I walked away from the carnage I had created. It’s a little hard to argue that I was really doing all I could to help Miller out.

16This was one of Miller’s catchphrases around this time, and he used it with staggering frequency.

17Sure, it was probably supposed to be “racked him over the head,” but the important thing is that if Miller wants to crack jokes about wildest dreams, then I’m going to put him to sleep! Booyah!

June 6, 2010 - Toast and fashion shows

Third Grade Journal – May 18, 1992

There are only three things I learned1:

1. That a baby beavers are called kits2.

2. That beavers splash when their3 excited.

3. beavers homes are called lodges4.


1Ever? I certainly hope not.

2Apparently I didn’t learn until later that you don’t need to use singular articles with talking about plural nouns. You have to love any list where every single sentence has an error of some sort.

3That is, when they’re excited. As a side note, Word suggests that I turn “beavers” into “beaver’s” for this sentence, which would make it much stranger and worse in my opinion.



Third Grade Journal – May 25, 1992

How to make toast4.

1. Get some bread5.

2. Put it in the toaster6.

3. When It7 pops up put butter on the top.

ENJOY!!!8


4This is the big payoff for this blog. I know you’ve wanted to know these secrets for a long time, so I’ve decided to share them with you. I hope the wait has been worth it. Strap in.

5Any kind of bread will do, but hopefully at this point in your life you know that all breads are decidedly not equal. But just and get some, you’ll thank me later.

6A lot of people seem to overlook this step when making toast, but I feel that it is pretty integral to the process. As a side note, this list (and this step in particular) reminds me of this project we had to do in sixth grade where we wrote directions for doing simple tasks like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I remember being extraordinarily annoyed because you had to be stupidly specific (like: “Hold a butter knife by the handle and spread one tablespoon of peanut butter in an even layer on the top side of the bread”) in order to get a good grade. No wonder kids hate school sometimes.

7This should be all the proof you need of my immense adoration of and respect for toast. That capital “I” is not a typo. No way.

8As you can see, this is written in approximately size 70 font. As we all know, the best and most important part of making toast is enjoying it.



Third Grade Journal – Date unknown



This is just an amazing picture I drew of me destroying my friend Jay in a basketball game staged on a giant tree9. Not only is the score 147-13, but I am dunking at the buzzer. You play until the clock says zero, kids10.


9I remember drawing this. The idea was supposed to be that we were playing full-court one-on-one on two flat, connecting tree branches that came together through a hole in the middle of the trunk. This was clearly a very revolutionary, influential idea that others would steal from me.

10In most cases I don’t really agree with this approach, but clearly this was a serious matchup.



Sixth Grade Journal – May 25, 1995

Today at 1:30 p.m. in the Hager cafetorium11, I am Brandon G’s commentator12 for the “Stars Fashion Show,” and both 6th grades are going to the Ashland Tennis Center13.


11Even though I went to Hager for seven years, I still can’t get used to the word “cafetorium.” It is one of the sillier fake words I’ve ever encountered.

12I seem to have some vague memory of this, and it seemed to involve me announcing what he was wearing as he walked down the would-be runway. I don’t know why I wasn’t walking down the runway: I was a better-looking kid than any Brandon G I’ve ever known.

13That’s a good way to keep sixth-graders excited. I was taking tennis lessons around this time and I’m pretty sure that even I was bored.