Sixth Grade Journal – May 26, 1995
| | Favorites | Bests1 |
| Foods | Corn | Hamburgers2 |
| Movies | Forrest Gump | Forrest Gump3 |
| Songs | When I Come Around | Basketcase4 |
| TV Shows | Friends5 | Jeopardy! |
| Music Groups | Green Day | CCR6 |
| Clothes7 | Shorts | Shirts |
| Past-times | Basketball | Soccer8 |
1 – This is the last entry in this journal, and it takes the form of a sort of chart, which I try to duplicate here. Most people who know me are aware that I make a rather strong distinction between the things I consider the best and I the things I consider my favorite(s), so it’s interesting for me to see that this feeling goes all the way back to sixth grade.
2 – Hamburgers might still be on this list, but probably under the “favorites” column instead of the “bests.”
3 – A clean sweep for Forrest Gump, eh? It’s safe to say that this wouldn’t really be the case these days. Forrest Gump is one of the movies that I seem to view in a different light than everyone else. Someday I’ll tell you all about it.
4 – Apparently I wasn’t lying when I said that I really liked Green Day.
5 – Ugh. A truly disastrous addition to the list. It’s hard for me to justify this, even though I was only eleven.
6 – It actually says “Creedence [sic] Clearwater Revival” in the journal, but I couldn’t get it to fit into this table. That’s a special “behind the scenes” insight into the creation of this blog. You’re welcome!
7 – Clothes? Favorite and best clothes? And what’s more, I’m not even talking about specific articles of clothing but entire varieties? How the hell are shirts “better” than shorts, and how do you prefer shorts over shirts?
8 – Wrong. Seriously wrong.
Eight Grade Journal – September 9, 1996
As Kelleman, Nate, and Hearne Got Up, The Strong Guy Knocked Them Out Cold9. Then Went After Miller10. Josh Hit Him With A Board But It Had No Effect. The Guy Grabbed Miller’s Arm And Broke It11, But He Didn’t Stop As He Hit Josh Through Another Wall. I Tried To Stop The Guy But He Kept Kicking Miller’s Butt12. “Help Him Please,” I Said For My Spell13. A Beam Tore Through His Stomach And He Disappeared. Miller Was Bloodied And Beaten, Lying On The Floor. I Laughed And Walked Off14. Seconds Later Josh Was Up And Tackled Me. I Threw Him Off And Jumped Up. He Was On His Knees And I Cracked Him Across The Face. “I Tried To Stop That Guy You Moron! Why Did You Tackle Me?” I Yelled. “Because You Didn’t Help!” Miller Said15. “Shut Up.” I Said. “Only In Your Wildest Dreams!” Josh Said16. I Racked His Over The Head And Knocked Him Out17.
9 – When we last left off, I was conjuring spells to beat up my friends. What a guy I am, eh? Also, soon it will be easier to remember the narrative of this serial brilliance since I won’t have much else by way of journal entries to share with you.
10 – This is what we call a sentence fragment, kids. I’m sure Cormac McCarthy would be proud.
11 – Something about the directness of this little passage makes it seem particularly gruesome to me. It’s not that eighth-grade Guy was usually a poet, but it seems like I typically had more to say than just “this dude grabbed the other dude’s arm and broke it.”
12 – The funniest thing about reading passages like this is that they make me think that I was in the middle of some sort of beef with Miller at this time, and that’s why I was having this magical warrior destroy him. My passive-aggressive streak seems to run pretty deep.
13 – This is a big upgrade from nonsense like “Impto Beemto Queerio Fro,” in my mind. Of course, it makes the whole spellcasting process seem remarkably plain, but there’s little I can do about it now.
14 – Not the coolest thing a friend could do in that spot. I don’t want to spoil the next few sentences, but Miller gets kind of pissed. Understandable.
15 – I kind of put myself in an indefensible position here. I’m the one who created the dude, I’m the one who let him kick my friend’s butt, and I’m the one who laughed as I walked away from the carnage I had created. It’s a little hard to argue that I was really doing all I could to help Miller out.
16 – This was one of Miller’s catchphrases around this time, and he used it with staggering frequency.
17 – Sure, it was probably supposed to be “racked him over the head,” but the important thing is that if Miller wants to crack jokes about wildest dreams, then I’m going to put him to sleep! Booyah!
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