October 14 - Sixth grade hootenanny

So here’s a roundup of recent entries from the sixth grade journal to make up for my growing laziness. Cross your fingers that this doesn’t turn into The Deuce’s Dose 2.0. Don’t worry, I’m not going to subject you to silly movie reviews, I’m really just talking about the lack of updates.

Sixth Grade Journal – October 11, 1994¹
A.L.P.²

¹ – On the top of this page, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Make sure you write ‘absent’ on the dates you are absent.” I don’t remember missing a lot of class in sixth grade, but it might help explain the gap in entries from September 29 to October 11.
² – I wrote that I was at ALP here (you can read, right?), but there is no subsequent entry for this date in the sixth grade ALP journal. Mystery abounds!

Sixth Grade Journal – October 11, 1994³
I would always play with my friends, because I would have a lot of friends if I were happy.⁴

³ – Yes, my little sleuths in training, there are two entries for this date. There are a few possibilities to consider. One is that I tried to write ahead on days I figured I would be in ALP so that I wouldn’t have to take time out to slave over a journal writing “A.L.P.” on the actual day. Another is that I went to ALP that day and made it back early enough to finish my journal entry for that day back at my elementary school. A third possibility is that I just messed up the dates. I’m willing to consider other options, though.
⁴ – At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Make sure you write the topic for each day.” This is kind of irritating in retrospect given that the entry ends on what is a pretty sad note. I’m glad my teacher had such rigorous priorities.

Sixth Grade Journal – October 12, 1994
First, if you get caught on fire, stop, drop, cover your face, and roll. When you go to bed, close your door so your room doesn’t catch on fire⁵. Stay low so you don’t breathe any smoke. Make a⁶

⁵ – It’s just that easy. Closed door = no room catching on fire. More people should know this.
⁶ – At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Good.” Clearly the fact that I couldn’t finish my last sentence is indicative of a deep, personal interest in the topic at hand.

Sixth Grade Journal – October 13, 1994
Today I have a computer class called Advanced Youth Education at 3:30 p.m.⁷

⁷ – As you might imagine, at the end of this entry Mrs Robertson wrote, “I’d like to read more about it.” I was trying to meet her halfway by referring to AYE as “a computer class,” but clearly she didn’t think that was enough. What a freaking tyrant.

Sixth Grade Journal – October 14, 1994
A bad report card, doing bad on patrol, getting kicked off patrol⁸, having a messy room, fighting someone, going through my mom’s room⁹, not getting in my contacts¹⁰, taking pop¹¹, stealing things¹², or wanting a lot of stuff would make my mom and dad very grouchy.¹³

⁸ – Patrol was apparently more important to me than I remember. Yes, I was one of those goofballs wearing an orange sash who stood on corners crossing students walking to school. It was a thankless job, except for the trip to Washington, DC and everything. Don’t make fun of me.
⁹ – Going through my mom’s room? Did I really go through my mom’s room? Moreover, why did I call it my mom’s room when both of my parents slept there?
¹⁰ – Looking back on those days with contact lenses really irritates me. I got glasses when I was six, switched to contacts when I was ten, then back to glasses when I was a senior in high school. Granted, I never really used my contacts responsibly, like maybe I would leave in a pair of contact lenses for two months (instead of two weeks) and never take them out at night. But still, contacts suck.
¹¹ – I don’t recall taking pop. I used to use the profits from my lucrative pencil-trading business to buy cokes in the faculty lounge, but I remember being allowed one can of coke a day at home. My mom always bought caffeine free Pepsi and even set up a can crushed on the back porch.
¹² – I can admit that I used to have a slight issue with stealing when I was younger. When I was eight or nine I took a small bear figurine from a Hallmark store because my mom wouldn’t buy it for me, and when she found it she made me take it back and apologize to the owner. Clearly that stuck with me.
¹³ – At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Topic?” Take note of the fact that I ended this entry by saying, “would make my mom and dad very grouchy.” I mean, she could at least pretend to read the damn entry when she’s commenting on it.