January 28 - Players of the Day

Third Grade Journal – January 6, 1992

Today is Jan. 6, 1992 Today’s player of the day is Minute Bol.¹ He 7 foot 7 inches. He is so tall that he bareley has to jump to slam dunk it!² Did you know he is the tallest basketball.³ But he is also very good at shooting⁴ He’s totally cool just plain owesom⁵.

¹ – In retrospect, it is kind of disappointing that the great “player of the day” entries begin with Minute Bol. It does get better. No really.

² – I suppose that is true.

³ – No, no I didn’t. I didn’t realize he was a basketball at all.

⁴ – This information is beginning to seem unreliable. In my defense, I felt this way because of some NBA blooper-type VHS tapes my family had, a few of which featured Minute Bol inexplicably shooting and making three-pointers. That was enough to convince me that he was a lights-out shooter.

⁵ – He may be just plain “owesom,” because he sure isn’t awesome.

Third Grade Journal – January 8, 1992⁶

Today’s player of the day is Scottie Pippien⁷. Number 33 for the Chicago Bulls. He is second best slam dunker in the NBA⁸. He wears Nike Air shoes and can slam dunk very well⁹. THe¹⁰ end

⁶ – I’m sort of fudging the date here a bit because this one isn’t labeled. I hope that someday you’ll be able to forgive me.

⁷ – The extra “i” in his last makes him sounds like a character from an Elizabethan drama. Just saying.

⁸ – This feeling is also due to the previously mentioned NBA videotapes. One was titled something like “Best Dunkers” and showed highlights from past dunk contests, one of which Scottie Pippen won. Since it showed him dunking from the foul line, something that amazed me, I guess that made him the second-best dunker since Jordan did it before him. Of course, the video didn’t note that Wilt Chamberlain, Julius Irving, and David Thompson used to do it all the time before Scottie or Michael were even in the league.

⁹ – Yes, I believe we’ve established this. If you have a magnifying glass, however, you will note that I clearly labeled “Nike Air” on both his shoes.

¹⁰ – Not a typo.

Third Grade Journal – January 10, 1992¹¹

Today’s player of the day is Charles Barkely¹². He plays for the Philedalphia 76ers. He can block and steal very well¹³. He is a very good at slam dunking. He pretty tall. about “68.”¹⁴

¹¹ – I’ve also fudged the date here a bit. Nothing like a good old-fashioned guessing game about journal entries from eighteen years ago.

¹² – Of all the drawings, this one has to be the worst. You can judge for yourself, but I’ve made the poor guy look like some kind of troll. He looks like a monster from a Guillermo del Toro movie. I know you’re not the handsomest guy to begin with, Charles, but I apologize.

¹³ – I know that I had quite a basketball card collection back in those days, so I suspect that I just looked at his numbers for that season and decided that he was doing enough to be considered very good in both those categories. He did average 1.81 steals per game that season, but only .59 blocks. This was below his .83 career average.

¹⁴ – Clearly I didn’t understand the whole feet/inches demarcation using apostrophes.

Third Grade Journal – January 15, 1992

Today’s player of the day is Patrick Ewing¹⁵. He is pretty tall, about 7 foot 1 inch. He plays for the n¹⁶ New York Knicks. He wears Nike airs in Cross trainigkind.¹⁷ He is taller than Micheal Jordan.¹⁸ He is 3rd place in slam dunking a basketball.¹⁹

¹⁵ – No, never Patrick Ewing.

¹⁶ – This is something I still do to this day that I can’t really explain. Even if I write in pencil I feel inclined to cross out a mistake rather than erase it.

¹⁷ – Oh really? Because you’ve clearly labeled his shoes as “Airs.” How do you explain that? Busted!

¹⁸ – He certainly is. This sentence also notes something that I have always felt, and that is that the name “Michael” looks as if it’s spelled incorrectly. I probably didn’t learn to write “Michael” instead of “Micheal” until I was in middle school. Seriously, even if your name is Michael, tell me that you’ve never had doubts about the spelling.

¹⁹ – He most certainly is not, and never was. Maybe he’d win third place at his family reunion dunk contest, but that’s about it.

Third Grade Journal – January 22, 1992

If I was princable I would take the kids to McDonald’s²⁰ every day except the bad kids. I would let the good kids have 5 days off.²¹ They would have recess for a hour.²² I would let the good kids go anywhere they wanted to recess, gym, lunch and music and computer. I would let them do whatever they want to do. I would let them have 17 summer vacations.²³ I would invite Micheal Jordan, Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkely, Scotty Pippien, Kirby Puckett, Eric Davis, Chris Sabo, Barry Larkin,²⁴ Chili Davis, Jose Canseco²⁵, Kevin Mitchell, Darryl Strawberry, and make Adam sit in the garbage can all day.²⁶

²⁰ – It’s kind of sad that with all the typos made in this journal, McDonald’s is spelled correctly, with the lower-case c, upper-case D, and apostrophe.

²¹ – Like each week? So they’d never have to come? That’s pretty good.

²² – Wait, I thought they had five days off. Is this in case they decide to come even though they don’t have to? I’m a bit confused. But I like it, so keep going.

²³ – That is a lot. The idea of seventeen summers in a row sounds like a nightmare now, but I was playing baseball in those days, so it was all good.

²⁴ – Ah, the delusion of a young Cincinnati Reds fan. At least they were only two years removed from a World Series victory at that point.

²⁵ – Yes, so that he could namedrop me as a steroid coconspirator at some point. You promised you would never tell.

²⁶ – Best I can remember, Adam was Adam Lett, a super-hyper, super-annoying kid who just engaged in stupid antics all day in class, much to Mrs Wheeler’s dismay. He had a cute older sister, however, which is probably why none of us ever beat him up. My priorities back then were really good.