Third Grade Journal – April 19, 1992
Date head line – strongest person is Bill Szoke1.
Date head line – Smartest person doesn’t know 0 + 02
Date head line – five plus five exuals 203
Date head line – A Kid hit a golf4 that didn’t come down!
Date head line – Government Fires all teachers5.
1 – Bill was a kid in my elementary school who had somewhat severe learning disabilities, so naturally he was the object of an unfortunate amount of ridicule. It really makes me feel bad to think about it, so I think we should move on to more lighthearted concerns.
2 – This makes sense, but for entirely different reasons than my eight-year-old self might have realized. I mean, what really makes up the idea of “nothing,” and what would happen if you put two of those nothings together? Deep!
3 – This could be possible. We all know that five plus five equals ten, but it could exual anything, possibly even twenty.
4 – That is, a golf ball. Hell, maybe he did hit a golf. I’ve never done it, but that’s not so say that nobody else ever has.
5 – Obviously these headlines involve a certain amount of fantasy, but I probably didn’t quite think this one through all the way.
Sixth Grade Journal – April 14, 1995
Today after school I have enrichment classes6, entemology7.
6 – Enrichment classes were these after school courses that involved various topics from computing to finances to bugs (as it was in my case). Exciting, I know.
7 – That is, entomology. And the class was taught by my Mom. Ooo, I remember that dragonflies belong to the order Odonata! Gold star for me! At the bottom of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “How is that going? Are you enjoying it?” Oh, those questions answer themselves.
Sixth Grade Journal – April 14, 1995
If I could erase a day it would be about 2 months ago when I got mud on my mom’s carpet and I used Clorox Clean-Up on the carpet, and now our carpet is green with light green polka-dots8! I thought she was going to kill me9!
8 – This was a relatively legendary event in my family. I came home with dirty shoes, walked on the new carpet my Mom had just put in the sitting room. When I told her she was understandably freaked, and when she told me to clean it up I grabbed the first cleaner I could find from under the sink and went to work on the spots I had left on the carpet. She entered the room, saw the bottle in my hand, and pretty much lost her mind.
9 – This is not much of an exaggeration. I was pretty certain that she was going to kill me. In fact, while my Mom tried to use the vacuum cleaner to get up the bleach that was eating the color off of her carpet, I called my Dad at work and told him to come home because I was afraid she was going to hurt me. Not my proudest moment. Underneath this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “I’ll bet!” Thanks a lot, lady.
Sixth Grade Journal – April 18, 1995
Leaf – Cricket – Spider – Bird – People10
10 – This is probably one of those silly little “fill in the blank”-type entries. In all honest, I should just leave these kinds of entries off the blog. We all make mistakes, folks.
Sixth Grade Journal – April 19, 1995
The only people I would “run to see” is former Boston Celtic Larry Bird11, or Dallas Mavericks star Jamal Mashburn12. Jamal and I are good friends, so I would run to see him anytime13.
11 – Larry Legend, baby. Who wouldn’t run to see him? Of course, to answer that you’d have to know why the phrase “run to see” was in quotation marks in the original entries.
12 – Monster Mash. My boy.
13 – Underneath this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “What do you mean?” and underlined the phrase “are good friends.” Underneath her comment, I wrote, “He knows me, I know him, we’re friends.” Of course I was at least somewhat delusional, but I did really feel that I knew Mash because I went on two trips with the UK Basketball team to the NCAA Tournament when I was in elementary school. So, basically, we were good friends.
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