April 11, 2010 - Deep Trouble

Sixth Grade Journal – April 6, 1995

I get made fun of a lot¹, the class motto is ‘Treat others as you would like to be treated².’ I treat people like I want to be treated, but I still get treated bad³, I have no friends anymore⁴, they all gang up and turned against me. Everyone hates me⁵.

¹ – I haven’t skipped any entries from my journals thus far, but I felt somewhat compelled to leave this one out for obvious reasons because it seems "sad." That said, I do think that it’s pretty funny to lampoon this sense of melodrama, which I find rather heightened and silly for an eleven year old. This will be something of a running theme.

² – Not a bad motto as far as mottos go…

³ – But those are the risks we take. I can’t say that this is entirely true, obviously.

⁴ – This is a strange comment considering that I was one of the most popular kids in my elementary school at this time. There were times during this period when I felt slighted because I was trying to bridge the gap between my Hager friends and my ALP friends and felt like sometimes they were better friends with each other than I was with them. None of this really makes this entry any less ridiculous to me.

⁵ – I know it might sound strange, but all I can really do in response to this is laugh. What a silly boy. Underneath this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “I’d like to talk with you about this.” As you might imagine, I’m pretty sure we never talked about it.

Sixth Grade Journal – April 11, 1995

I would like to be the first person to live under the water⁶.

⁶ – Probably because people treated me bad and because I had no friends and because everyone hated me. That would be pretty cool, though, provided that I didn’t have to stay there. I mean, people who are in submarines must go nuts after about a week. Beside this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Wow! That would be great!” I know it would be. That’s why I wrote it, lady.

Eighth Grade Journal – November 8, 1996

What’s Going On⁷? If In Lunch One Person Makes Fun Of Me (Which I Don’t Mind), Then Everyone Around Joins In⁸! Then Jenni, That Big-Headed, Bratty, Moronic Word I Don’t Want To Say⁹ Harasses Me, Usually Right In Front Of Teachers!!!! She Has Repeatedly Kicked Me, Hit Me With Her Fists, And Hit Me With Books Since My First Day Of 7^th Grade¹⁰. Just Today She Hit Me In The Head With A Book And Cussed Me Out Right In Front Of Mr. Tate¹¹! Last Year She Stole My Calculator (Actually 2) And Several Of My Things From My Locker¹². She Is Always Caught But Never Punished. I Won’t Hit Back Because It’s Not Good To Hit Girls¹³ And I’d Actually Get In Trouble. Deep Trouble¹⁴.

⁷ – Instead of continuing the Annoyance saga, today I am opting for a further exploration of my (hopefully past) penchant for melodrama. There are few better sources for this type of overblown reaction than the free write entries in this journal. I even labeled this entry, “Complaining.” Seriously.

⁸ – I love this idea. I mean I don’t care if one person makes fun of me, but if someone else joins in then that’s really going over the line! I feel like I would remember this happening, so I’m not sure that these vicious roast sessions were traumatic enough to warrant this “complaining.”

⁹ – Gentlelady? I can’t imagine that the word I had in mind was somehow worse than that!

¹⁰ – My relationship with Jenni during this period was combative and tumultuous. Although she is smart and nicer than I ever let on in eighth grade, she was guilty of such attacks against me. Is it any wonder that I didn’t know whether she liked me or hated me?

¹¹ – While she did hit me from time to time (albeit not in such a brutal or vicious way), I don’t remember Jenni ever cussing me out. I also don’t remember Mr Tate, so clearly my memory isn’t quite perfect.

¹² – Technically, she got Kris Rucinski to figure out the combination to my locker and steal all those things. I remember losing papers and such things, but never anything as serious as a calculator (or two).

¹³ – A champion of nobility and restraint. You do your thing, eighth grade Guy.

¹⁴ – This is so amazing to me that I almost think that my goal with this entry was to write something silly and melodramatic so I could be amused by its absurdly exaggerated tone fifteen years later.

Eight Grade Journal – November 10, 1996

Is It Just Me, Or Are Teachers Really Sexist¹⁵? Just Moments Ago Jenni Hill Said Something To Me. I Ignored Her But She Repeated. I Got Irritated So I Said: “Be Quiet You Moron¹⁶!” And A Teacher Told Me To Be Quiet! I Couldn’t Believe This!! Jenni Talks For 10 Minutes And When I Tell Her To Stop I Get Busted¹⁷!

¹⁵ – Well, naturally.

¹⁶ – I’m sure that’s not actually what I said, but man I wish it was. That would be a highlight reel moment that I’d like to go back in time and watch.

¹⁷ – Deep trouble, for sure.