I am leaving for Connecticut tomorrow (and in so doing, have the privilege of driving through the number two state on my list of Worst States to Drive In…the suspense!) and wanted to put together a little one-off that might entertain you. A friend of mine was recently staying at my house and was preparing to go to sleep on a fold-out single bed. I couldn’t help but notice that he managed to fit into this remarkably small bed quite comfortably, and so I asked a question to which I already knew the answer.
“Do you ever give thanks for being able to fit in a bed?”
Here was my friend with ample room in all directions on a pathetic raft of a mattress, and my feet hang off of my queen-sized bed every night (if I sleep on top of the covers, obviously). This brought to mind an essay I wrote in my freshman writing class at
The Tall and the Short of It
The True Contrast Between the Non-diminutive and the Height-impaired
More often than not, people view the world in terms of dichotomies: those who see the glass half-full and those who see it half-empty, those who believe in God and those who do not, or those who tip well and those who stiff the server. In these views, all people can be divided into the two classes, each system acting to separate and file all people under one of two philosophies. But there is one view in which the gray area, normally small for other systems of analysis, is composed of a comparatively marginal number of humans. This is the factor of height, which divides the minority: those of gargantuan stature and those of a miniature build. There are many disparities between leviathans and Lilliputians beyond their physical differences: inherent characteristic, psychological, and societal divergences that dictate their day-to-day lives.
On the surface, it can appear that tall and short people have many things in common. After all, the individuals in each group will hear thousands of inquiries about their height over the course of a lifetime. But in reality, their respective struggles could not be less similar. The miniature members of society, being unable to reach all shelves in any given establishment, struggle with all forms of retail purchasing. The loftier humans, however, not only have to deal with the prospect of back pain from reaching things far below their normal reach, but are also constantly called upon to help the same dwarves who cannot reach things they may desire. From the beginning of their lives, tall people are predisposed to hospitality, since they complete their own business while aiding shorties along the way.
Most facets of travel also pose a problem for both giants and pygmies. Pint-sized persons have to struggle with seeing over the dashboard of a car without sitting on phone books or boxes. They also run the risk of being unseen and potentially harmed, since nearly invisible while traveling by foot. Towering individuals, however, live under more extreme risks. Huge humans try with great effort to fit into seats designed for people of average size, but are not afforded the plethora of space that the very same seats offer the squirts of society. And while walking, a behemoth undergoes the slings and arrows of an outrageous mine field. Not only does the above-average-sized person have to watch for obstructions that could easily strike them while being avoidable for all other people, they also must watch out for any passing little (or littler) people, who often fear being assaulted or trampled. Every moment of every day, the goliath must operate with alertness and care as a result of their size. With size comes immense responsibility, because the colossuses are immediately assumed at fault, by both the average majority and the peewees alike, for any incidental contact during transit, no matter how much care is exercised. Walking with no solace on the streets, it would be no surprise if the life of a tall person was lived in fear from day one.
It is obvious to me that the sizes of midgets and mammoths do not vary in magnitude as greatly as their minds. Aware that they are viewed as inferior because of the stature, the pint-sized often develop a sense of ego and self-importance that is often (unfortunately) unsupported by reality. Runts live under the most conflicting of situations: always believing they have something to prove, yet expecting special attention and aid simply because of their lack of enormity. They don’t want the jumbo stranger at the Sav-A-Lot to reach the cereal on the top row for them, they expect him or her to do it and to be innately aware of the presence of the wee shopper. Insecure and often feeling out-of-place, the titan is the perfect victim for the self-confidence disorders perpetuated by the pocket-sized population.
Compounding the personalities and lifestyles embodied by the individuals, both immense and impish, are the views possessed by the standard citizen as well as the thoughts and perceptions of the extremes regarding their polar opposites. The majority view the wee-sized population as cute, threatening, and harmless. Run-of-the-mill people thereby find the tinies to be trustworthy, also finding some strange sort of attraction in the shrimps and their struggles with stature where the oversized instead find the compulsion and expectation to give help. The enormous generally tend to believe that the teensy have things pretty easy. But most interesting is the inexplicable dread they have of dwarfish folks, largely unconnected to their aforementioned sporadic enslavement. Perhaps it is the danger posed by the diminutive (since they can attack body parts at will that the humongous would be hard-pressed to defend) or perhaps it is simply a fear of the unknown, as the giant differs from the gnome in most every facet from physical to attitudinal. And with the growing trend of Tom Thumbs attempting to upgrade their size with “limb-lengthening”, the towering population lives in confusion: why would short people, who seem to have such an ideal system for flourishing and surviving, forcefully (and painfully) rid themselves of the quality that affords them such luxuries?
Sadly, the height-gifted are not viewed in such a positive sense, whether by garden-variety guys and gals or by their abridged antitheses. While there is no equivalent of “tall, dark, and handsome” for the miniscule, the physically formidable are more often than not seen as lumbering, clumsy, and potentially dangerous by most, since their size makes physical self-control quite tricky and also affords them a heightened capability to harm others (even though it would violate their personalities to do so). And since the jumbo are not seen as being trustworthy or immediately approachable (as the minute are), few of the plain Janes and Johns ever learn that these giants truly are, in most cases, gentle and simply seeking acceptance. The undersized population, however, view the overly large as two things: a means of assistance or exploitation (as previously mentioned) and as a direct threat. Squirts do not only fear the physical prowess of their contrasting colossuses, but also see them as a risk to their self-confidence. Therefore, a bantam boy, man, girl, or woman would find and take any opportunity to exert dominance over any and all king-sized companions or acquaintances. And while they believe that life with more size would make everyday tasks simpler to perform, the ability of the half-pints to take advantage of these abilities overshadows any potential envy of a larger lifestyle.
It is not the differences in physical form that truly divide the short from the tall, but rather their actions, personalities, and mannerisms. The wee ones will spend their lives trying to reach the top rung of the ladder by climbing on others; the giants will spend their lives as anyone (regardless of size) should: respectfully, dutifully, and helpfully. This true side of puny people and the contrast between them and the gigantic, sadly enough, should not be a surprise. It would be noble (and rather nice) to see this stereotype overturned by reality, but unfortunately it is hard to believe that this will happen. After all, when was the last time that an evil dictator of Brobdingnagian size started a war, attacked the innocent, or threatened to take over the world? I mean, they don’t call it a Napoleon Complex for nothing.
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