February 26 - Clearly Falling Behind

Third Grade Journal – February 17, 1992
Todays player of the day¹ is David Robinson². He is a Center for the San Antonio Spurs. His Number is 50³.

¹ – Sadly, today I don’t have the means to post the amazing drawing of David that accompanies this entry. If you picture the Karl Malone drawing you can get a pretty good idea of what it looks like, though.
² – Did you know that David Robinson is one of four people in NBA history to record a quadruple double?
³ – There’s too much information! I’ll never be able to remember all of that!

Third Grade Journal – February 24, 1992
Today’s player of the day is Magic Johnson. He plays for Lakers but not any more. He has Aids⁴. But Forget about that⁵. He can dunk, layup and hookshot very good⁶. His number is 32.

⁴ – To be clear, I don’t think his HIV ever fully (or has ever fully) developed into AIDS. And when’s it’s written like that, it really just sounds like he has helpers instead of a disease. I’m just saying.
⁵ – Yes, let’s forget about all that. We’re here to talk about basketball!
⁶ – Leaving off passing is rather auspicious, seeing as how he was (and probably still is) better at passing than at any of those other things.

Sixth Grade Journal – February 6, 1995
My opinion on the best invention would probably have to be either people and animals (made by the great, almighty God!)⁷ or probably electricity made very strangely by Benjamin Franklin⁸.

⁷ – How cute and endearing. I mean, people and animals are pretty good. Maybe I was on to something there.
⁸ – Someone doesn’t know the difference between an invention and a discovery.

Sixth Grade Journal – February 20, 1995

1 – Frankfort Trip⁹
2 – COSI Trip¹⁰
3 – 4-H Day Camp
4 – Junior Achievement class¹¹
5 – First Day at Hager
6 – Paramount Trips¹²
7 – Making 5^th and 6^th grade b-ball teams
8 – Being Hager Governor’s Cup Captain¹³
9 – Making Verity Governor’s Cup
10 – Spelling Bees¹⁴

⁹ – This seems to be a list of “favorite memories at Hager” or something like that. Frankfort trips were always special because it seemed awesome to be visiting the state capitol. When you get older and realize that Frankfort is a silly city with like 25,000 people, it seems less awesome.
¹⁰ – COSI is one of the greatest places on Earth. It is full of great examples of how science can be made fun if properly demonstrated. And it’s right across the street from the first Wendy’s.
¹¹ – I have no idea what this is. At all. Clearly not that memorable.
¹² – I loved to going to the Paramount to see shows and plays when I was a kid. There was something I always used to do, however, that seems hilarious to me in retrospect but was probably very annoying at the time. When the crowd would clap, after ten or so seconds I would start shushing really loudly as if I thought that there had been enough congratulation. On with the show!
¹³ – That has a nice ring to it. Of course, this was after the retirement of Amar Shah, who was one of the most dominant forces in Ashland Governor’s Cup history.
¹⁴ – I won the third grade spelling bee by spelling “khaki” and “poisonous” in the final round. You’ll note that I did not have fond memories of the Geography Bee, in which I was screwed (in the same year) by a question that claimed Africa was a larger continent that Asia. What a load of garbage.

February 5 - Another Epic Return of Annoyance

Third Grade Journal – February 5, 1992
What you should do to take care of your teeth.¹
1 Brush very good.²
2 Floss.
3. Swish after you brush.
4 Don’t eat to much sweets.
5 See your dentist every month.³
6 Brush every day.
7 Keep your teeth nice and pretty clean white⁴
Like him. Not like him.⁵

¹ – Looking back at these entries I have to admit that I’m a bit confused by the priorities of elementary school education. Couldn’t my teachers have been showing me how to construct a proper sentence instead of trying to tell me how to take care of my teeth?
² – Case in point.
³ – I’m not one of those people who dislikes or is afraid of the dentist, but this seems a little excessive. Probably expensive, too.
⁴ – Easily the best entry of the best here. Want to take care of your teeth? Keep them nice and pretty clean white. Done!
⁵ – As you can see from these lifelike illustrations, dental care is serious business.

Sixth Grade Journal – February 2, 1995
Today I have a basketball game: Hager Wildcats (us)⁶ Vs. Oakview Comets (them) at the Hager Elementary School gym at 4:15.⁷ Hager Wildcats record 9-4, Oakview Comets record 9-4.⁸

⁶ – Just in case you were confused.
⁷ – I’m developing a theory that the reason I kept including all of this unnecessary (yet accurate) information about these events is because I didn’t want to get in trouble for creating entries that were too short. If Mrs Robertson wants quantity over quality, that’s what she’s going to get!
⁸ – Pretty evenly matched, I say. The Comets were worthy foes in those days. At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Sounds like it should have been a close game? Who won?” Ignoring her inexplicable first question mark, I wrote, “We did” after her comment. You want a back and forth? A little dialogue? You got it.

Sixth Grade Journal – February 3, 1995
My favorite music group would have to be Green Day, a rock n roll group.⁹ My favorite song is a tie between Basketcase, by Green Day, and When I Come Around, also by Green Day.¹⁰

⁹ – I’m sure I was the target demographic. I can only laugh when I think of what Green Day’s reaction would be if they knew that they were the favorite band of a ten-year-old.
¹⁰ – I like to think that my musical experience has expanded a bit since then. At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “I haven’t heard of Green Day. (I guess that means I’m getting old.)” Hilarious, Mrs Robertson! Quit trying to bring down kids with tales of your midlife crisis.

Eighth Grade Journal – September 3, 1996
Then New Weapons Appeared, Stuff Like Knives, Swords, CrossBows, Bows & Arrows, And Another SpellBook.¹¹ “Cool.” Hearne Said. Everyone Got One Of Each And I Grabbed The Spellbook. “Let’s Go Kick Their Butts!” Nate Yelled. “That Would Not Be Wise,” Flare Said. “The Old Looking Guy Is Phisean, And His Spells OverPower Yours Palin. If You Challenge, We Will Have To Devise A Plan.” “Call Me Guy, Not Palin¹² You Moronic Dragon¹³.” I Said. Then We Went Inside To Make A Plan. “Guy, You Will Have To Be The Leader¹⁴, Because You Are The Only Within Reasonable Range Of Power¹⁵, And I Will Help You. Nate, Josh, Josh¹⁶, & Ishbu Fight The Rest.” Blaze Said. “What About Me?” Luan Asked. “You Will Be KnightBringer,” Blaze Said, “And Guy Will Fight With You¹⁷.” We Prepared For The Fight. We Got On Flare And Flew To The Hut, They Were Waiting.¹⁸

¹¹ – I’m sure you remember where we last left off, but incase you don’t, our enemies had transformed and teleported away. Exciting!
¹² – That’s a sensible suggestion. I was ahead of my time in not wanting to be called “Palin.”
¹³ – How many people do you know who can say that they were face-to-face with a dragon and called the dragon moronic? That’s what I thought.
¹⁴ – Imagine that!
¹⁵ – Maybe we should change the name of this blog from Ship of Theseus to Ship of Modesty.
¹⁶ – Not a typo. Two Joshes. But I’m sure you remember from the extensive notes you’ve been keeping on this seminal text.
¹⁷ – How could anyone forget?
¹⁸ – I can’t image the anticipation you’re feeling. Your patience will be rewarded. Well, it will be responded to. I can’t promise that the response will be what anyone would call a “reward.”

February 4, 2010 - Never Karl Malone

Third Grade Journal – January 28, 1992

Today’s player of the day is Horris Grant¹. He can’t make inside shots very well². He plays for the Bulls and his number is fifty-four³.

¹ – Not to be confused with Horace Grant. As a side note, look at the vertical leap I gave to the guys in today's entry. It looks like these guys are playing on a fifteen-foot rim, and still dunking with relative ease (as you can tell from the delighted look on Horris's face).

² – That’s a flattering introduction. Why is he the player of the day if he can’t make a shot from five feet away?

³ – And thus ends all the information I knew about Horace Grant. You might figure out that this is the same amount of information you might learn (or infer) from looking at a basketball card of him. As for the inside shots thing…I guess I figured he couldn’t do it since he had to wear glasses and everything.

Third Grade Journal - January 30, 1992

Today’s player of the day is Dominqe Wilkins⁴ But he broke his leg, when he was playing the Milwake Bucks⁵. He very good dunker⁶. He he is good at shots. He plays for the Atlanta Hawks. He number is tw⁷

⁴ – Again, not to be confused with Dominique Wilkins.

⁵ – I was more about collecting basketball cards than actually watching NBA games at this time, so I’m actually kind of curious to figure out how I knew about that. Wikipedia doesn’t mention anything about it, but it does note that he ruptured his Achilles tendon against the 76ers. And easy mistake to make, I guess.

⁶ – Yes he is. He most certainly is.

⁷ – Unlike Horace Grant, I actually had some stuff to say about ‘Nique. As you might imagine, he was featured heavily in the “Greatest Dunker”-type videos that I watched incessantly as a child.

Third Grade Journal – February 3, 1992

Todays player of the day is Karl Malone⁸. Karl Malone plays for Utah Jazz. He slam dunks good and he is on the all star east team⁹ but when he dunks he bites¹⁰. Another good player is on his team his name is John Stockton. He was third place in the long shot championship¹¹ and He is also on the West all stars.

⁸ – Much like Patrick Ewing: No, never Karl Malone.

⁹ – Are you sure there, little buddy? Geography was not a priority in school, I guess.

¹⁰ – Your guess is as good as mine.

¹¹ – This is what insiders like young Guy call it. You rubes might know it as the three-point shootout. I was skeptical of this claim, but Wikipedia confirms it. Also: it makes me sad that Tim Legler won the long shot championship in 1996.

Sixth Grade Journal – January 25, 1995

I would like to visit Norway because I would enjoy seeing the rivers, mountains, fjords, and shields¹². I think it would be beautiful to see Norway’s many natural features.¹³

¹² – Apparently a shield is a flat, rocky area typically found in the center of a continent. Oh stop pretending like you already knew. Just stop it.

¹³ – A rather ho-hum entry, I think. At the end, Mrs Robertson wrote, “It sounds like a beautiful country!” This is funny because I was really just repeating what we had learned about it in geography class (when I could have been learning that the Utah Jazz were in the Western Conference).

Sixth Grade Journal – January 26, 1995

Today I have a basketball game vs. Hatcher at the Hager gymnasium at 5:15 p.m.¹⁴

¹⁴ – At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “How did you do?” We played Hatcher, Mrs Robertson. No offense to any Hatcher Elementary alums that might read this, but we destroyed them every time. At least Crabbe and Poage could put up a fight.

Sixth Grade Journal – January 31, 1995

My favorite subject in school is definetely, positevely¹⁵, without a doubt has got to¹⁶ math in Mrs. Roberson’s¹⁷ class, I am good at it.¹⁸

¹⁵ – You can bet that the subject isn’t going to be spelling. Just a hunch.

¹⁶ – Or grammar, as if they even teach that in elementary school.

¹⁷ – Whoa whoa, Mrs Roberson? No “t” in her name? What the fudge is going on here? I’m beginning to think that my memory is mostly a lie.

¹⁸ – At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson (yes, I’m still calling her that, dammit) wrote, “Do you like ‘Challenge Group?’” Continuing with the theme of my memory being a lie, I can firmly say that I don’t remember “Challenge Group” at all. All I remember from sixth grade math is doing multiplication busy work, racing other kids in the class to see who could finish the work first. We would bet a quarter so that when I won I could buy more NBA pencils from the dispenser in the office. Then again, as we are steadily learning, I could just be making stuff up or remembering stuff I made up.

January 28 - Players of the Day

Third Grade Journal – January 6, 1992

Today is Jan. 6, 1992 Today’s player of the day is Minute Bol.¹ He 7 foot 7 inches. He is so tall that he bareley has to jump to slam dunk it!² Did you know he is the tallest basketball.³ But he is also very good at shooting⁴ He’s totally cool just plain owesom⁵.

¹ – In retrospect, it is kind of disappointing that the great “player of the day” entries begin with Minute Bol. It does get better. No really.

² – I suppose that is true.

³ – No, no I didn’t. I didn’t realize he was a basketball at all.

⁴ – This information is beginning to seem unreliable. In my defense, I felt this way because of some NBA blooper-type VHS tapes my family had, a few of which featured Minute Bol inexplicably shooting and making three-pointers. That was enough to convince me that he was a lights-out shooter.

⁵ – He may be just plain “owesom,” because he sure isn’t awesome.

Third Grade Journal – January 8, 1992⁶

Today’s player of the day is Scottie Pippien⁷. Number 33 for the Chicago Bulls. He is second best slam dunker in the NBA⁸. He wears Nike Air shoes and can slam dunk very well⁹. THe¹⁰ end

⁶ – I’m sort of fudging the date here a bit because this one isn’t labeled. I hope that someday you’ll be able to forgive me.

⁷ – The extra “i” in his last makes him sounds like a character from an Elizabethan drama. Just saying.

⁸ – This feeling is also due to the previously mentioned NBA videotapes. One was titled something like “Best Dunkers” and showed highlights from past dunk contests, one of which Scottie Pippen won. Since it showed him dunking from the foul line, something that amazed me, I guess that made him the second-best dunker since Jordan did it before him. Of course, the video didn’t note that Wilt Chamberlain, Julius Irving, and David Thompson used to do it all the time before Scottie or Michael were even in the league.

⁹ – Yes, I believe we’ve established this. If you have a magnifying glass, however, you will note that I clearly labeled “Nike Air” on both his shoes.

¹⁰ – Not a typo.

Third Grade Journal – January 10, 1992¹¹

Today’s player of the day is Charles Barkely¹². He plays for the Philedalphia 76ers. He can block and steal very well¹³. He is a very good at slam dunking. He pretty tall. about “68.”¹⁴

¹¹ – I’ve also fudged the date here a bit. Nothing like a good old-fashioned guessing game about journal entries from eighteen years ago.

¹² – Of all the drawings, this one has to be the worst. You can judge for yourself, but I’ve made the poor guy look like some kind of troll. He looks like a monster from a Guillermo del Toro movie. I know you’re not the handsomest guy to begin with, Charles, but I apologize.

¹³ – I know that I had quite a basketball card collection back in those days, so I suspect that I just looked at his numbers for that season and decided that he was doing enough to be considered very good in both those categories. He did average 1.81 steals per game that season, but only .59 blocks. This was below his .83 career average.

¹⁴ – Clearly I didn’t understand the whole feet/inches demarcation using apostrophes.

Third Grade Journal – January 15, 1992

Today’s player of the day is Patrick Ewing¹⁵. He is pretty tall, about 7 foot 1 inch. He plays for the n¹⁶ New York Knicks. He wears Nike airs in Cross trainigkind.¹⁷ He is taller than Micheal Jordan.¹⁸ He is 3rd place in slam dunking a basketball.¹⁹

¹⁵ – No, never Patrick Ewing.

¹⁶ – This is something I still do to this day that I can’t really explain. Even if I write in pencil I feel inclined to cross out a mistake rather than erase it.

¹⁷ – Oh really? Because you’ve clearly labeled his shoes as “Airs.” How do you explain that? Busted!

¹⁸ – He certainly is. This sentence also notes something that I have always felt, and that is that the name “Michael” looks as if it’s spelled incorrectly. I probably didn’t learn to write “Michael” instead of “Micheal” until I was in middle school. Seriously, even if your name is Michael, tell me that you’ve never had doubts about the spelling.

¹⁹ – He most certainly is not, and never was. Maybe he’d win third place at his family reunion dunk contest, but that’s about it.

Third Grade Journal – January 22, 1992

If I was princable I would take the kids to McDonald’s²⁰ every day except the bad kids. I would let the good kids have 5 days off.²¹ They would have recess for a hour.²² I would let the good kids go anywhere they wanted to recess, gym, lunch and music and computer. I would let them do whatever they want to do. I would let them have 17 summer vacations.²³ I would invite Micheal Jordan, Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkely, Scotty Pippien, Kirby Puckett, Eric Davis, Chris Sabo, Barry Larkin,²⁴ Chili Davis, Jose Canseco²⁵, Kevin Mitchell, Darryl Strawberry, and make Adam sit in the garbage can all day.²⁶

²⁰ – It’s kind of sad that with all the typos made in this journal, McDonald’s is spelled correctly, with the lower-case c, upper-case D, and apostrophe.

²¹ – Like each week? So they’d never have to come? That’s pretty good.

²² – Wait, I thought they had five days off. Is this in case they decide to come even though they don’t have to? I’m a bit confused. But I like it, so keep going.

²³ – That is a lot. The idea of seventeen summers in a row sounds like a nightmare now, but I was playing baseball in those days, so it was all good.

²⁴ – Ah, the delusion of a young Cincinnati Reds fan. At least they were only two years removed from a World Series victory at that point.

²⁵ – Yes, so that he could namedrop me as a steroid coconspirator at some point. You promised you would never tell.

²⁶ – Best I can remember, Adam was Adam Lett, a super-hyper, super-annoying kid who just engaged in stupid antics all day in class, much to Mrs Wheeler’s dismay. He had a cute older sister, however, which is probably why none of us ever beat him up. My priorities back then were really good.

January 21 - Sixth Grade Bonanza (part five)

The continuing saga of updating from someone else’s computer continues. I learned earlier this week that apparently my computer is magical in that it is capable of maintaining the formatting I use in MS Word when I paste it into the blog. Other computers? Not so much. So when you read this, know that I had to put in all of the underlining, italics, and superscript by hand. The things I do for all two of you…

Sixth Grade Journal – January 13, 1994¹
I don’t understand why baseball players are on strike², why I don’t have a girlfriend, and why I need braces.³

¹ – In an example of my honesty in bringing these tales to you, I thought I’d point out that I mislabeled the year for this entry. See, I am fallible!
² – Because they are greedy, moronic SOB’s, that’s why. This really affected me as a kid.
³ – Not sure which of these two things is the reason for the “TOP SECRET” label. I mean obviously I have a guess, but inevitably the braces were far more damning. Also, maybe I was getting a little out of control with the “Stay Out” labels.

Sixth Grade Journal – January 14, 1995
A button, because a button can hold something together⁴, or if you push a button a reaction can happen⁵

⁴ – This entire entry is written in mock-italics except for the phrase “can hold something together.” Like many things in these journals, this is a complete mystery.
⁵ – Sure, all these things are true, but what kind of topic could make you write an entry about how much you like buttons? Confusing.

Sixth Grade Journal – January 18, 1995
Name of a play, a performance, a maraige⁶, or a hologram are something I would like to see on a PROSCENIUM.⁷ leather, a mirror, or lanvendar⁸, it would also be nice to see a chandlier.⁹

⁶ – If you think about it, this is probably the way it should be spelled. Maybe with two r’s, but let’s be honest, the i before a isn’t really helping anybody.
⁷ – I clearly demonstrated some understanding of this word, but I had to look it up just fifteen years later. Powerful, effective work, Mrs Robertson.
⁸ – Assuming this word is supposed to be “lavender,” I am having serious trouble discerning the meaning of the word proscenium from this entry.
⁹ – Okay okay, I caved. A proscenium is the area of a modern theatre that is located between the curtain and the orchestra. There.

Sixth Grade Journal – January 19, 1995
Today I have Hager basketball team practice at 6:00 p.m. in the Hager Elementary School¹⁰ I also have an open notes quiz in Science class today. We also have gym (P.E.) and computers in school.¹¹
gymnasium.

¹⁰ – This is particularly thorough. I didn’t just have practice, I have Hager basketball team practice, at a specific time, and in a specific place. Accuracy is important.
¹¹ – An open notes quiz, gym, and computers? How did I contain myself?

Sixth Grade Journal – January 20, 1995
Brothers and sister¹² fight a lot because they usually a really bad disagreement¹³, or the main reason is that they don’t like each other or one made the other extremely mad.¹⁴

¹² – Notice the singular “sister” here. Oh, I had two sisters alright. But I only fought with one. She might think this was funny if she ever bothered to read any of this. THANKS FOR NOTHING.
¹³ – Such a bad disagreement that I couldn’t concentrate enough to put a verb in the sentence. Furthermore, I usually a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
¹⁴ – Again, notice the lack of reciprocity in that closing statement. It’s not because they made each other mad, it’s because one of them specifically made the other mad. I wonder who made who mad?

January 20 - Sixth Grade Bonanza (part four)

Yet another egregious violation. Read on, dear friends.

Sixth Grade Journal – January 4, 1995
1) To get all A’s in 6^th grade.¹
2) To make 1^st string for the Wildcats.²
3) To score 20 points for the Wildcats.
4) To have 100 rebounds for the Wildcats.³
5) To have a girlfriend.⁴

¹ – This did come true. I didn’t get my first B until seventh grade. No thanks to Mrs Berrong or Mrs Robertson.
² – This, sadly, did not come true. This was the year that Brandon Galloway’s dad took over as coach of the basketball team, and he made his son the starter instead of me. I’m not saying that I was decidedly better than Brandon, but I am saying that he was far and away the worst player out of the starting five.
³ – I love these priorities. I didn’t want to score, I just wanted to get some boards and help the team win.
⁴ – In retrospect, this doesn’t really seem like something I should have tried to hide or been embarrassed about. There also isn’t any writing from Mrs Robertson on this page, so it’s possible that she actually heeded my wishes and didn’t read the page marked “Top Secret.” But who wants to believe that?

Sixth Grade Journal – January 5, 1995
Today I have a Verity Academic Meet⁵ right after school. I also have basketball practice at 6:00.⁶

⁵ – Seriously, I wish I had talked more about the academic meets from that era. In case you don’t know, this is the same as Governor’s Cup. It was pretty awesome.
⁶ – At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Good Luck – How did you do at the meet?” Nice mock concern! I see through this silliness.

Sixth Grade Journal – January 6, 1995
I would change no Sega or Super Nintendo on school nights and no running.⁷

⁷ – At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “In the house?” There was no running in my family’s house, but I love that she just glosses over the Sega/SNES bit, which was far more important and crippling. I remember complaining all the time that the only reason my parents bought video games for me was so they could take them away as some sort of punishment. I mean, what else is there to do on a Tuesday night except play a little Link to the Past?

Sixth Grade Journal – January 11, 1995
No, because they are too ready or eager to please or obey.⁸

⁸ – Above this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Topic?” Honestly, I have no real idea who the “they” refers to here. Something about the teacher’s pet(s), maybe?

Sixth Grade Journal – January 12, 1995
Today a basketball game at Holy Family⁹ at 4:15, I also have a dinner with Oscar Robertson.¹⁰

⁹ – Holy Family was an awesome place to play basketball because they had a legit hardwood floor. It really felt special when we played there. Of course, along with that I remember almost every game I played in there involved some type of debacle, which I thankfully did not describe in this journal.
¹⁰ – At the end of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “The Oscar Robertson? Tell me about it!” I don’t think they were related. And I didn’t tell her about it.

January 19 - Sixth Grade Bonanza (part three)

Sixth Grade Journal – December 14, 1994
1) cash 2) purse 3) credit cards 4) checks 5) mall 6) money<sup>1

1</sup> – Arguably the least exciting entry out of the whole lot so far. However, I am amused by the idea that I listed the word “money” considering that the topic is likely to have been something like listing words associated with money.


Sixth Grade Journal – December 14, 1994
If I could have one wish for the world it would be for people to have kinder hearts and more loving souls.<sup>2

2</sup> – This is pretty much the sweetest thing I could have ever written. I hope you enjoy it. At the bottom of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Yes!” I should have noted that kinder hearts and more loving souls did not include forgiving her for her glibness and constant violations of my privacy.


Sixth Grade Journal – December 15, 1994
Today at school we are having our Christmas party.<sup>3

3</sup> – Also a strong contender for least exciting entry thus far. Like this is ALP Journal-quality badness.


Sixth Grade Journal – December 16, 1994
1) Merry 2) Mess 3) Messy 4) Christmas 5) Mam⁴ 6) Carrie⁵ 7) Sat 8) Sun⁶ 9) Matter 10) Mass 11) Christ⁷ 12) Miss
13) Mist 14) Stem⁸ 15) Yams⁹ 16) Arrest 17) Tim 18) Carry 19) Sam 20) Yes 21) Am 22) Tea 23) Set 24) Chris 25) Car 26) Is 27) As 28) Master 29) Mister 30) Ram

⁴ – Technically, I think it’s spelled “ma’am.” For the record, my guess is that this topic is something like listing words than can be spelled from the letters in “Merry Christmas.”
⁵ – I don’t want to chide ten-year-old Guy too hard, but I’m not sure that names should count.
⁶ – I’ll be honest: when I first saw “Sat” and “Sun” on this list, I thought they were abbreviations for Saturday and Sunday and was going to deride my younger self for not including regular words. My brain has its fair share of misfires.
⁷ – I guess Christ should count even though it’s kind of a proper noun. I mean, he’s the reason for the season, unless you believe in the war on Christmas, in which case I would prefer it if you didn’t read this blog any more.
⁸ – I initially thought this said “Stern,” and this is why cursive is terrible and useless.
⁹ – I will say that it is somewhat remarkable that I only included one plural word in the whole list. I was just brimming with potential, no thanks to Mrs Robertson. Nevertheless, at the bottom of this entry, Mrs Robertson did draw a smiley face.


Sixth Grade Journal – January 3, 1995
1) Getting a Sega Genesis with 32X.¹⁰
2) Setting a Green Day CD.¹¹
3) Getting a Calligraphy set.<sup>12

10</sup> – Sadly, I got this. Since I’m sure you weren’t silly and unlucky enough to get a 32X, know that it was a terrible and useless game system. The Genesis, however, was and forever will be awesome.
¹¹ – And I got it, too. I listened to my copy of Dookie (which I always pronounced like “cookie” instead of the way it’s apparently supposed to be pronounced) until it was scratched beyond recognition. “When I Come Around” was my favorite.
¹² – I got this, too, but I don’t really remember getting it. As is common in my family, however, my mother recently found the set (which, as you math geniuses can tell, is now a gift from fifteen years ago) and gave it to me a second time. At the bottom of this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Did you get any of these?” Seriously, this woman needs to quit trying to track my every move. She probably works for the CIA by now or something.