September 29 - Australia, checkers, and a cheap shot at Dan Brown

I love you guys so much that I’m willing to take a break from reading Freud to type up this update on Monday afternoon. I’m sure you’ll find a way to pay me back. No worries.

Sixth Grade Journal – September 29, 1994
Dear Mom and Dad,

So far this year in school we have done alot of fun stuff. We have done many science expieraments, and right now we are writing letters to kids in Australia¹, we are also doing centers on Australia and its six words². I gotta go.

Love Ya,

Guy Spriggs³

¹ – I remember having a pen pal in Australia during sixth grade. I think they were from a city named Wagga Wagga or something like that. In his first letter, my pen pal told that his class had just started to learn about America, and he was surprised to learn that Kentucky was a place and not just a way to fry chicken. Off to a good start, I’d say.
² – I have no idea what Australia’s six “words” are or what I learned about them. I think Australia has six states/provinces, but oh well. I do remember having to study Australia almost all year in sixth grade because my geography/history teacher had just spent the summer there and was obsessed with it. Who cares about a curriculum?
³ – Next to this entry, Mrs Robertson wrote, “Guy, I enjoyed reading your journal. Please make sure you always include the topic of the day.” Oh, she enjoyed reading it alright, even the pages she said she wouldn’t read! Jerk.

BONUS ENTRY: Third Grade Journal – September 5, 1991
Today is Sept. 5 Today has been really great⁴. today we played in the gym. it was really fun. I played on the big checkers⁵. that was they most fun. THE END⁶.

⁴ – It looks like I was all about letting the good times roll in third grade.
⁵ – You know, the big cloth checker sets you see at places like Cracker Barrel. Lauren Gibbs and I were the undefeated checkers players in sixth grade, but negotiations for a superfight between the two of us never materialized.
⁶ – I’m not sure that I understood the difference between a journal and a story, as I was often inclined to declare an end to the entry in this fashion.

BONUS ENTRY: Eighth Grade Journal – August 30, 1996 (continued)
Soon I Could See⁷ And I Saw Nate Bash The Last Guy Across The Face With Luan. “Warn Me Next Time Before You Do That!” I Said. “Sorry.” Nate Said. We Went Back To The Hut And Slept⁸.

In⁹ The Morning We Woke Up And Went Out To See What The Territory Was Like. There Were Houses Around That Resembled A Village¹⁰. There Also Was A 3-Story House-Type Thing That Had Tons Of Food¹¹. We Rested Most Of The Day, For Tomorrow Out True Adventure Would Begin¹².

⁷ – When we last left off, I had just been blinded with a light that would have killed a normal man. I’m sure you didn’t forget.
⁸ – Transitioning was one of my real specialties at this time.
⁹ – This is the first paragraph break in the story, taking place at the bottom of the fourth page. Faulkner, eat your heart out.
¹⁰ – You know how sometimes you’ll just go around and find a bunch of houses that resemble a village? This is like one of those times.
¹¹ – These are the kinds of things I stumble upon all the time. I usually leave them for the less fortunate, you know me, but in this case I was desperate.
¹² – The adventure hasn’t even begun yet? I’m a bit confused, but the good (and sad) news is that I’m still pretty sure Annoyance is still better than anything Dan Brown has ever written.

I noticed today that there is a big gap in entries from the sixth grade journal between today and October 11. I suspect that pages have been taken from this journal at some point, but it’s a real mystery. Since that particular journal has been doing most of the heavy lifting (what its consistency and teacher-fueled privacy invasion), I’ll have to come up with something interesting starting pretty soon. Tune in tomorrow to see how things turn out…