Third Grade Journal –
Today is
First we will spy for 25 minutes2.
2. We will play Nintendo for 30 minutes3.
3. Then we will find some new weaponry.4
4. We will go to sleep.
5. Wake in morning5 up everybody and spy for an hour.
6.6
1 – I loved making little schedules like this. Thankfully, some habits don’t last forever.
2 – I was really big on spying. I had a Talkboy (yes, I was suckered in by Home Alone 2) and would attach it to a remote control truck and sneak it into rooms so I could record conversations. I think I missed my true calling.
3 – I don’t really love the format change here (going for saying “First” to this kind of bulleted format), but I strongly dislike the priorities here. I mean I know spying is cool, but only thirty minutes of Nintendo the entire freaking night? I was just beginning for this to be a lame sleepover.
4 – Oh, how I loved finding weaponry. Wait, what?
5 – The phrase “in morning” is written is microscopic font and added in with an arrow after the fact. Clearly I didn’t want there to be any confusion.
6 – After that, who knows?
Third Grade Journal –
Today is Dec. 2 The Perfect Christmas Tree would 2 feet thick. But It will be 1,000,000,000,000 yards7 tall. I would put it outside8. I would make it silver, gold, green, Red. I would put nine stars on the top. I would put silver, gold, green, red balls and stars and trains9 and pictures of people and dolls. Pictures of Santa Claus and the Elves10. Pictures of my teachers I’ve had. A picture Jesus away in a manger11. Jesus all grown up in heaven.
7 – I’m less puzzled by the trillion, and more puzzled by the use of yards. I mean, yards? Come on.
8 – Now there’s logical thinking.
9 – I had a great collection of train ornaments when I was a kid. My Mom would buy me a new one every year, and I would open it when we decorated the tree. They were pretty freaking sweet.
10 – Nothing quite like closing with a stream of sentence fragments.
11 – He is the reason for the season. Side note (just in case Bill O’Reilly has the time to read this): there is no war on Christmas. Don’t be an idiot.
Third Grade Journal –
Dec. 6, 1991
Dear Mrs. Natole12,
Some people think I am smart13.
I go to Mrs. Mannah’s14 room for language arts. Sean is in my language arts. I am eight. I am15
12 – I don’t remember who Mrs Natole was, but for some reason I wrote this entry in cursive (which I had stopped doing at this point in the school year) except for her name and Mrs Mannah’s name. Curious…
13 – Those poor, misguided souls.
14 – Yes, I wrote Mrs Mannah’s name in normal script, but more importantly, I don’t remember going to her room for language arts at all. I thought the only teacher I had that year was Mrs Wheeler. This kind of memory loss is sad.
15 – Since I had already been reduced to telling this Mrs Natole character how old I was, I can’t imagine the next bit of information was going to be particularly thrilling or interesting.
Third Grade Journal –
On Saturday I went to a
16 – Going to Marshall Football games was an integral part of my time in 
good life.
17 – As you can see, my artistic skills were at very a high level.
18 – I attribute this inability to finish a journal entry on a desire for the fall to hurry up and end. If that was the case, then the third grade version of myself was even awesomer than I remember.
Third Grade Journal –
Today is Dec 16 Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. In hope that St. Nicholas soon would be there…………19 hi. Do want me to tell you what really happened at Christmas20. One Christmas Eve. When all of the kids were snug in their beds. but they never stood Santa at the top of house21
19 – That is one long ellipsis.
20 – Of course I do! The suspense is killing me.
21 – That’s a bit of a letdown. Your guess is as good as mine
